Weary, but...

I had a great talk with one of my mentors today--about what it's like on the other side, getting away from our abuser, but still having to co-parent with him.  She is a seasoned veteran handling complex cases where children are witness (or victims) to violent crimes.  Her stories make mine seem like an after school movie, rated a-ok for public viewership, and at the same time, she has said that every story has meaning and power, and the abuse was escalating.  I told her that sometimes everything is a-ok, I'm confident, strong--zen warrior pants planted firmly on and waging th...more

Missing my two hearts

I miss my kids.  I can’t wait to pick them up today and see their silly smiles and hear about their day.  Yes there is the rambunctious roller coaster of homework, cooking, eating, clean up, phone call with their dad that sometimes causes stress, bath time, story time—it’s an explosion of activity.  But I can’t wait to have them home.  I can’t wait to check in on them later tonight, snug in their bunk beds, sleeping peacefully—DD2 on the top bunk, smooshed up in between her pillows and her giant hello kitty that she got for her birthday.  Oh wait, DD1 got it for HER...more

Thank you letter

Dear God, I am really sorry that I’ve been complaining a lot lately.  I feel like I’ve been all wrapped up in the negativity and stress, and today I woke up very thankful (and a little guilty for being all wrapped up in the stress)....more

Rawr. And a little hope.

i am so angry....more
Lisa Thomson Lisa, thank you SOOO much for your kind words.  They really mean a lot.  <3more

What Happens After You Divorce Your Abusive Husband?

I’ve often rued the fact that there is no official step-by-step guidebook for divorcing your abusive husband, that you just do it with every ounce and muster of courage and drop of support you can find. I was lucky to have a strong support network, full of therapy and attorney friends, and including my official therapist and official attorney, along with my extended friends and family....more
airshipwreck thank you so much for your kind words, airshipwreck.  it's good to know we are not ...more

Another day, another e-maul

So tired of the crap—this time a long, lengthy complaint that DD1 attended a sleepover the day before she went to dad’s.  This was a last minute sleepover invite to stay with her besties, and the following day was a holiday.  He got all up in arms about my not notifying him (…?  let him know the night before, as it was an impromptu invitation), and how in the future I must not schedule when it affects his time and to schedule only on my week ends.  Le sigh.&nbs...more
nrlowell thank you so much for your kind words, nrlowell!!  i am going to hop on over and read ...more

Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming, Or How to keep you head above water

I love Dori from Finding Nemo--her in the moment, zen nature and positive thinking, how I wish I could be like her all the time.  And…how I used to be like her, more often than not, but I’ve noticed that life’s harder edges took some of that away from me.  I am loathe to admit it—but I have become more cynical and less trusting of life and of people generally in the world.  And that sucks. ...more

How do I heal?

Some days, I feel strong, confident, patting myself on the back, proud that I managed to “get out” of a terrible situation.  Other days, absolutely not.  Instead, I’m wracked with guilt, anxiety, fear and worry. How do you manage these feelings?  Yes, I’m in therapy.  On a logical level, I know I have to transform my thinking that everything will be okay, that I don’t need to worry like I did before. ...more
Lisa Thomson thank you so much, lisa!  <3more

How Do You Handle Celebrations After Your Divorce?

 The spring and summer months often bring about many events and reasons to celebrate.Most people enjoy these gatherings but if you are a part of the divorced and co-parenting world, celebrations equal stress.How do you handle joint events?Do you include everyone at one party?Do you split the holidays up?Do you hold separate celebrations?...more

Update on the (boundary) drama, I seem to say that a lot, hmm…

We had an eye-opening session with the girls’ play therapist, and the things she was discussing helped me feel better about our situation.  No, I’m not going crazy for seeing and reporting Exie’s emotional pressure on the children.  Yes, I am doing the right thing for validating the girls (esp DD1’s) feelings about things—i.e. I’m sorry daddy feels that way vs. a flat out, he’s completely wrong.  And then softly influencing her to form her own opinions—i.e....more