A few weeks ago, I thought to myself, "My blog is really depressing. All I write about is grief."And while I don't know if "depressing" is the right word to describe this blog, it is true that I mostly write about sadness and loss, with some posts on our rainbow baby mixed in.I decided it was time to switch things up. After all, there is more to [my] life than grief. Right?...more
Since my daughter died inside me, I have been commended by many people.You are so brave, they say. Your faith is so great.They say that because they don’t know. They don’t know the truth.They don’t know how, the night we arrived home from the hospital without our daughter and for many nights after that, I lay on the bed, alone, and cried out to God for comfort, for answers, and heard nothing. How I hated Him for that....more
It started with baby socks.
Not long after my baby girl died, I felt like God promised that we would not only have another child, but that it would be the boy. I still don't know if this promise came from Him or from some strange subconscious thought, but it kept me going as I crossed what should have been the finish line of my first pregnancy, Eve's due date. I felt compelled to step out in faith in this perceived promise, and so I bought baby socks -- the softest, most cozy socks I could find. Socks for a little boy.
I immediately felt foolish....more
For most people, June 11th, 2007 came and went without any special notice. It was just another Monday with its normal daily commutes; people soaking up the sun’s rays on the California beaches, while cab drivers honked ferociously at jay walkers in New York City. However for me, it was the day that time stood still as I had to make the decision of whether or not to allow my daughter to die. At nearly twenty-three weeks pregnant and my third time in labor, little Kylie was coming into the world, ready or not....more
When I posted about parenting guru Katie Allison Granju's son being in the hospital and her subsequent raw writing about his drug addiction, it seemed that there might yet be a happy ending. But this morning I wept as I read the final update; after more than a month, Henry succumbed to his injuries and leaves behind a family and a community in mourning.
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