3 Reasons Why Gaining Weight Is Not The End Of The World

If you’re going through disordered eating recovery, I implore you to not focus on the weight.“Now it’s time to do the one thing I know you want to do the least,” she told me, looking me square in the eye. “You’re going to have to eat the food.”My heart started to race....more

My Road To Recovery From Fitness Modeling

Every time I sat down to eat, I gave myself an opportunity to experience compassion and stop my self-judgment. “I’ll have a bowl of oatmeal, and a side of three egg whites,” I told the waitress as I surveyed the multitude of pancakes, French toast, and omelets surrounding me accompanying dozens of happy brunchers.“Sure, I’ll have that right out,” said Chrissy, my more-than-bubbly waitress. As she started to turn to walk away, my heart started beating faster as I spontaneously decided that this would be a milestone moment for me. It was time....more

That Time My Eating Disorder Broke My Leg

CW: This essay offers an in-depth look at my eating disorder. Please keep your own recovery and/or sensitivities in mind. Suffering is revered. Pain is praised. The more you endure, the more you are.I broke my leg the way you fall asleep: slowly, then all at once.I was running when it broke (or, more aptly, when I broke it).I didn’t fall. Nothing fell on me — it just broke....more

Why I Gave Up On Diets

Diet is such an ugly word, isn't it? When I hear "diet", I think, "fad", as if it's just a short-term solution with no real sustainability. And I also think of suffering. Unfathomable human suffering. ...more

Does Your Child Have an Eating Disorder?

Eating disorders affect five to ten million young and adult women and one million men in the U.S. What is a parent to do when we suspect our child may be exhibiting symptoms of disordered eating? Come to think of it -- what are symptoms of disordered eating? To answer these questions, I called up Liza Feilner, a licensed professional counselor and senior therapist at the Eating Recovery Center's Child and Adolescent Behavioral Hospital. ...more
Boy did I do ALL of these and then some!!!! what a sad, lonely, horrible existence I had as a ...more

The Problem with Food

As I write this, I'm trying to sit through the very uncomfortable feeling of fullness that accompanies eating. Just trying to process the discomfort--which, in my case, is both physical and emotional--makes me realize that it's not only been a while since I've tried to sit with these feelings, but it's also been a while since I've blogged at all about my relationship with food, eating, and hunger....more

Compulsion and Magical Thinking

I wrote a few days ago about the difference between dependence and compulsion. I'd like to take a few minutes to go a little deeper into an aspect of compulsion called magical thinking....more

Eating Disorders At Midlife

As a specialist in women’s mental health, I am often asked, “does one ever recover from an eating disorder?”  ...more

Living Authentically, Online & in Real Life

I had an epiphany yesterday: when I began blogging this past July, I was ready to dip my toes in the pool ... but I was still afraid to go for a lengthy swim. I was nervous about how I'd be perceived by friends and family as I shared my deepest thoughts and fears with the blogosphere. I wanted to remain semi-anonymous; just "a 20-something struggling with disordered eating issues." ...more

I would imagine that your writing is very authentic, or you wouldn't have so many people ...more

Screw the Scale ... for Today at Least.

“Treat your body like a friend and your scale like a machine.”   What a great quote. How often do we, as women, treat our bodies like enemies, berating them and chastising them … and then treating our scales — stupid machines!–like friends? You know the drill: If we see a “good” number we’re happy. A “bad” number and we want to hit something or assume we got “fat” overnight or will gain it all back (we didn’t; we won’t). ...more