Letting Go of Shame

I have buried two shameful secrets for most of my life. Today I'm coming clean.The first involved the Scripps-Howard Spelling Bee. When I was in 6th grade I made it to the district level and breezed through the written portion of the contest. I got through a round or two of the spotlight spelling, but fell later on the easy-peasy word gauze. Shame filled me. How could I have failed so spectacularly? I was certain that everyone in the room was laughing at the stupid idiot girl who messed up on a one-syllable word....more
 @Barbarahughes Thank you, Barbara. I wish the same for you :-)more

How Resentment Kills a Marriage

The more I talk about my Reboot This Marriage blog with strangers, the more people open up to me with stories about their own marriages. Like the woman who told me this: "I got divorced when my youngest child was ten. But my divorce didn't have anything to do with what was going on then--it had everything to do with all the stuff that had been building up for years. When the kids are young, there's just no time to talk about everything that's going on. But that doesn't mean it goes away. It's still there, and if you don't address it, it eventually destroys your marriage." ...more

An Open Letter to the Addicts in my Life

When one of my babies is sick and feeling a general sort of pain, one that makes them cry and ache all over and there's nothing I can do about it--the only thing I can think of to say is, "I know baby. I know."It's the same thing I want to say to you. I am not an addict, but sometimes when I think of how easily I could have been, I shudder. I know the only reason I am not is... well... before the Grace of God, go I....more

Dr. Romance Video: How to Apologize

(Watch the video here.) Uh-oh. You messed up, and now you boyfriend, relative or best friend is really mad at you.  Do you even know why?  Dr. Romance licensed psychotherapist and author, explains how to figure out what's wrong and resolve the anger.  Dr. Romance’s 4 Steps: How to Apologize 1. Surrender to your responsibility.  When you become aware that you have made a mistake, admit it and apologize....more

Women in the Catholic Church: We'll Have Nun of That

I am never surprised by what medical science learns about nuns. That they are latently afflicted with dementia, if at all. That they enjoy better health in later years compared to cohorts. That they live longer. That they write well and think clearly into old age.I am now no longer surprised by what the Catholic Church heirarchy selectively chooses to investigate. Today, it is nuns....more
Thank you so much for this positive and balanced view.  This has been my experience too.more

Ratatouille

Peel zucchinis, cut into thin slices the same way we parse sentences into parts, each word carrying weight. Quarter tomatoes, remove the seeds the same way we throw away what feels awkward, chafes against the skin. Slice onions, cube an eggplant the same way we mix together tears and our stray fragments. Brush clinging dirt off mushrooms the same way we ask to be cleaned, refined, unspotted, set free. Poetic Asides prompt ...more

Should We Always Forgive?

Here’s a question for you…should we always forgive? Yes? No? Maybe? Depends. On what though? The damage caused, the long term effect, the severity of the pain, the way in which the hurt was given out? The reason I’m bringing this up is because of the pain, anger, hurt, bitterness, regret, shame, vulnerability, loss, grief, sadness caused at things that have past. Recent email replies from nearly a newsletter subscribers have been: ...more

~The Bully and the Bullied~

Childhood is a funny thing.  The parts we remember, the parts we can’t remember, and the parts we try to forget.  I sat down in a restaurant one day with a friend during our lunch break at the local college.  The waiter walks up to me with a huge smile of recognition.  “You know who I am, right?”  He asked still beaming. Of course I didn’t remember him.  I can point-blank tell you about something insignificant 2 years ago on Facebook, but please don’t try to get me to remember faces or names.  I squinted, and...more
@@BehavioralChild hahaha, thanks!more

peace for the wandering soul

I have always been surrounded by wanderers.  I swim amidst thinkers and singers.  Artists and tinkerers of all kinds.  Whether they have spouses or partners, dogs or made-up friends, these are my people. I’ve always been drawn to those who challenged life.  Pushed back the limitations. Created things.  I look at kids nowadays, forced and squeezed into certain stereotypes.  What a shame to be so pigeonholed.  What a waste to not absorb it all.  ...more

I Lied to Myself... But Not Anymore!

I used to lie to myself. A lot. I used to let others define who I was, who I wasn't, who I should be, where I came from... I used to let others define me.The problem is, that was the problem.Lately, I've been remembering these things. I don't really know why. But I'm embarrassed for my past. For the legacy I've left for my family, for the friends I've lost, for the bosses I've failed. For the successes I never reached. For the go-with-the-flow mentality that wasn't so smart to begin with....more