Act As If

Seven years ago, I didn’t believe in God....more

I Just Ended a 7-Year Relationship: I Walked Away from My Doctorate

I began to ask myself the question: What would it take for me to love myself, right now, as I am, even if I didn’t achieve a doctoral degree?...more
PaulineJennett Thank you very much for taking time to read and comment...and for recognizing ...more

Zelda Williams, I Lost My Dad to Suicide, Too

“I love you. I miss you. I’ll try to keep looking up.” Sitting at my desk at work, I read the words on my computer from Zelda, Robin Williams’ daughter,  who tweeted about his death. For some reason I decided to look at the clock, I wanted to know what time it was... 8:38 AM. I lasted a little over 12 hours after hearing the news before it finally hit me. The night before, Trey had given me a hug and asked if I was okay. I said yes, which was true at the time but now it was different. Now I was not okay. “I love you. I miss you. I’ll try to keep looking up.” ...more
Stephanie, I'm so sorry for your loss and everything you and your family went through. ...more

The First, Memory

Originally posted with neither monkeys nor typewriters at my blog.One of my dad's favorite memories of me was when I stared at him, my dark eyes surprisingly serious and focused in my small and round face, as I strained towards him, finger pointing determinedly. I was a baby, too small to move anywhere on my own, but my dad said that when I was asked "Where's Dad?" I knew who he was....more

Keeping a Pet's Presence Alive After the Animal is Gone

I’m not surprised to be reading that pets have become extremely important to young singles, who find that a dog or cat is less stressful than being with a lover (though in defense of humans, an animal, no matter how devoted, will never pick up the cleaning). There is now the phrase, “pets as partners,” which I guess should take the sting out of hearing a woman referred to as “a dog.” With U.S....more

The Loss of Our Dog and Bernadette of Lourdes

Our family dog died on July 6th and my family was devastated. Buster had been what I liked to call our sole source of love and joy for fifteen years. A beagle mix, we had rescued him from the local Animal Rescue at eight months and he never failed to delight us. My son had been visiting my oldest daughter for the 4th of July weekend and was not at home. The partner was at the neighbors and I was returning from the shop with the middle daughter behind me. I was the one who found him lying on the bedroom floor where he often slept....more

It's About Time

Someone we love is dying right now. Not the abstract “we’re all going to die someday” kind of dying. The real right now kind. The kind that will leave us with broken and grateful hearts. Wishing we had a few more days, or months, and yes, years.It’s making me anxious, which is not what I expected. I expected sad, and I am. I didn’t expect to feel like my own clock was on speed dial and I would be racing to catch up....more

At the corner of grief and gratitude

The other morning I was driving to work, listening to a story on NPR. I don’t remember the subject of the story, who, or why–but a calm, confident voice used the words grief and gratitude in the same sentence.Those two words, in such close proximity, captured my attention for the rest of the drive. There was something about how she spoke­, without question and without hesitation. Like the two words obviously belonged together. Right next to each other, both connected and separated, by a tiny three-letter and.Co-existing....more

RIP C.R. - Gone But Not Forgotten

Dear C.R.,It has been one week since you departed my side for the after life. I have opened my eyes each morning refusing to believe it is true. They say time will heal and each day will become a bit easier to bear without you by my side, but how can that be true when all my most memorable moments are ones we captured together, memories we created for many years to come. I'm not sure I can go on without you. I know you were tired and it was time for you to go, but selfishly I wish you had been able to hang on just a little longer....more

At the corner of grief and gratitude

The other morning I was driving to work, listening to a story on NPR. I don’t remember the subject of the story, who, or why–but a calm, confident voice used the words grief and gratitude in the same sentence.Those two words, in such close proximity, captured my attention for the rest of the drive. There was something about how she spoke­, without hesitation. Like the two words actually belonged together. Right next to each other, both connected and separated by a tiny three-letter and....more