May 13, 2007, was the last Mother’s Day I celebrated, although I didn’t know it at the time. I have a hard time recalling what we did. The memory, nine years later, clouded by the passage of time. That fall my Mother passed away from cancer. Her battle was over; mine was just starting....more
How do I live properly when my mum's brain is dying?
I have been asking myself this question for months, ever since that monster of a disease called dementia has been rapidly spreading across the landscape of a once healthy, thinking, active brain. My mum has dementia, and I am not ashamed to say it.
For months since my dad died, I have heard the same question over and over again: "Are you really okay?" Most of the time it is a genuine question, although sometimes it is dutifully asked as a perfunctory exercise of social graces.Either way, my answer is always the same: "I'm really okay." I always have been, even if I didn't understand why....more
On Tuesday, as I sat beside him, "Frank" died (*not his real name). I didn't notice his last breath, just a sudden stillness. I placed my hand near his mouth, to see if I could feel an exhalation, and when I didn't, I touched him gently and said goodbye. Then I went to get the nurse, to note the time of death. Frank was 93, and while his death was expected, we didn't expect it then. I had just seen his family out, and told them I'd sit with him. However, when it comes to death, I've learned that expectations are foolish....more
I had a lot of fears, fear of flying, spiders (all bugs honestly), germs, dirt, the unknown and the list would go on and on. It would honestly take me two pages to list all the stuff I was afraid of happening. When I got married and became a mom, I took on more fears. The fear of my child dying or my spouse or even worse, both. It wasn’t until I nearly died that I realized that having fear was a waste of time....more
This year I joined a sisterhood that no girl wants to be a part of.I am now a Motherless Daughter. Mom got sick the day after my parents arrived in Florida and she has spent the last 5 months in a nursing home before passing away the day before my birthday. I knew she would never get better but I had hoped she had more time....more
Today is the 50th anniversary of the day that John Fitzgerald Kennedy was assassinated in Dallas. I was just a toddler on that day, so I don't remember it first-hand, but I’ve been thinking about that time a lot lately. 11/22/63...more