The Secret Shame of Miscarriage

I lost a baby once.I didn't take it to the supermarket and then forget which trolley was mine and simply walk off pushing another person's, realising when I got home with bags full of processed chicken nuggets, tinned soup and condoms that I'd grabbed the wrong trolley in my haste.Nor did sit down with it in my pocket and it slipped out, and fell down the side of the couch never to be seen again.In fact, I didn't really lose a baby at all. I knew where it was at all times....more

A Safe Haven for Babies and Parents Alike

There is a cemetery on the way to Westley's preschool. It's an old cemetery; the town's first police chief and mayor are both buried there. I recently learned that the grounds include a newer area, called "Baby Haven." It's exactly what you think it is. Itty bitty plots with tiny headstones. As soon as I learned about Baby Haven, I felt compelled to visit....more
I loved this piece. Cemeteries have a lot of stories and I've always been drawn to them. The ...more

The fragility of dreams.

Recently my daughter became pregnant for the third time – and for the third time, the pregnancy stopped developing. Since it did not spontaneously abort, Abby had to go in for a D&C, her second.When people have asked how I’m doing, I’ve replied with everything but the truth.The truth is that I’m angry....more

Losing my Baby

Every year, I remember our first pregnancy, our child who would have been due in December: I always think about that loss, even though it was early, when I hang that ornament every year close to the top of the tree. But this year, maybe because I’m back to writing in a way I haven’t been since then, I resurrected this essay I wrote back then, as a way of dealing with my grief. It’s call First Anniversary of  a Child Unborn: ...more

Bye-Bye Baby (Ectopic Pregnancy)

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Courage in the Unknown

I sat in the passenger’s seat, looking out the window and taking in the beauty of the rolling hills near our home on the outskirts of Austin, Texas., and a smile crept across my face.  It was one of those stop-and-smell-the-roses moments that makes me take stock in everything I have and am grateful for.  My mind flashed back to my state of mind a year prior....more

That doesn't make me feel better

I just found out a colleague is expecting. Ordinarily this wouldn't be big news, but after over a year of trying and fertility treatments, I finally got pregnant. And then miscarried. The colleague? Due within a few weeks of when I would have been. From a few feet away, I get to watch her bump grow and thrive, in the conspicuous absence of my own.Ooooph is right....more

Overcoming (Multiple) Early Miscarriages

My husband Josh and I do not tell people when we are trying to get pregnant or talk specifics with anyone other than each other.  It's a very personal matter to us.  And while some people began asking "When are you going to have more kids" as soon as our twins turned one, we never told them what we talk about behind closed doors.  We just aren't "those" people.  So, to write a blog post about not only our recent attempts to get pregnant, but also our losses is really hard and makes me feel slightly awkward to do so, but, we're trying to keep things real on our blog. ...more
Thank you thank you thank you. Six years ago I lost my son and until today I haven't written ...more

Ugh, Stupid Miscarriage!

My husband, Chris, and I had gone round and round for months trying to decide whether or not we should try for baby # 3. Pre-nuptually, we had agreed that two was the magic number because I wanted to be done having children by 35. I hit that milestone 2 years ago. And even though I look 27 (thanks mom!), let’s be completely honest here, 37 is no spring chicken. Age really does matter when it comes to a woman’s eggs.But, what the hell?!?! Right?! We decided to go for it....more

Miscarriage - The Silent Empty Box

To be filled with life is something.  To be pregnant with a growing little miracle of science and nature in your belly is beautiful.  To lose a pregnancy is sad.  The feeling is surrounded with so many emotions.  Guilt, loss, nothing, emptiness, aching, breaking, bending into shadows dark.  I had to take a break today and submerge myself in some creative work.  I wanted to shake this feeling of empty.  Shake it loose from the empty box it resides in now.  Like a box with nothing inside.  Just invisible strings connecting bac...more
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