Open Letter

Open LetterI was on vacation last week.  It was amazing.  Nice week away.  At the beach.  With my family.  With my boys.Time to think.  Time to be away from the mess.  Time to reflect.Reflecting on 16 years of marriage.  26 years of friendship....more

Entangled

I was thinking about this divorce driving to work.I’m entangled.Only way to describe it.Entangled.Finances House Vehicles Insurance Kids on and on and onA large knot of entanglement.  All balled up.  In a mess.  A complete and utter mess....more

90 Days

It’s coming up on 90 days………………….since I filed for divorce.90 days.  3 months.  Winter to almost Summer.Takes 90 days, in this state, to be divorced.  90 days to be SURE you WANT to be divorced.  To think it over, I suppose.Yes, I DO want to be divorced, but it ain’t gonna happen in 90 days.  No way.  No how.  Not in this universe.  Nope.And?  I made a CALENDAR counting DOWN the 90 days.  Sad?  Because, well, it isn’t going to BE 90 days....more

The Truth

Interesting word.  Means about 15 million things....when you really think about it.  It's tricky.Truth as in the god's honest TRUTH. Truth as in full straight on HONESTY. Truth as in your personal driving force.  Your BELIEFS.Truth.Truth can be twisted...you change it to make your 'version' of your truth.  To make it all ok.  To make it all seem like it was a good idea.  To make you feel better....more
Nice to finally meet another lady who doesn't miss being married. I have to wait a year for my ...more

Apathy

I don’t care.  I’m trying not to care.   I can’t care anymore.I’m trying not to think about it.  How he WAS.  Because?  That isn’t him.   The WAS is what I thought.  But the WAS doesn’t exist.How he  IS.   Really IS.  Not what I thought he WAS.  But IS.  That’s what I have to think about it.  I have to embrace the IS…the WAS isn’t real.And?  Accept it....more

The Deal Breaker

Yes, I’m getting a divorce.No, it’s not fixable.Yes, I asked for counseling for 3 years.Then?  The Deal Breaker.Now….I can’t really divulge the Deal Breaker.  It was a Deal Breaker straight out of the gate.  Then?  The rest of the chips fell, making me not even DOUBT that it was a deal breaker.I thought, for some years,  ”yep, my marriage is crap” and “yep, it is what it is”.  I was willing to be sad, abandoned, un-loved…..until?  The Deal Breaker....more

A New Day During Divorce

Well, I don’t wake up, see new things and have “shock and awe”.I have “well, that’s just GREAT”.And sometimes?  I chuckle.  And sometimes?  I still cry....more
Shell_4_Tops boys always first. Always. But Michelle needs some peace too friend. Peace.more

I can do it....I CAN

Yep, I can.  I can do stuff.I can:...more

Today...

I got up. I found more unbelievable things.  Things I never imagined could be happening. From a person that I loved….for 15 years. From a person I trusted….for 15 years. From a person I wanted children with….forever.I got the kids ready for school.  Laughed, smiled, kissed them.Then?  I got them to school.  Then?I bawled for 30 minutes.Every.  Single.  Day.  A new betrayal.  A new thing that just hits me in the face.  And?  I’m not sure it will ever end....more
melaflin survivelivethrive omg i have been there--SOOO been there. ugh. !!!! it helps to keep ...more

The Learning Party

Both boys got their ‘card’  pulled at school, on the same day, for getting in trouble.  Ryan — for not finishing journal.  Owen — MORE serious:  tripping a kid “because he felt like it”, and not doing his best work.  NICE.  And Owen was COVERED from head to toe in dirt, grime and filth....more