I can hear it. Sometimes it's faint like her breath as a baby on my neck. I can ignore it by turning on the news of this election that is, frankly, the best distraction I could ask for. I can brush it away with the crumbs on the counter. I can un-hear it.But sometimes it's loud. It's the sound of the front door slamming as she heads out on a date. It's the starting of her car. It's the horn as she waves and drives away. It's the ...more
Today, I broke up with my students.A few weeks ago, my supervisor asked me to take over a college-level writing course when another teacher leaves to teach abroad in the new year. The catch is that I'll be trading two of my periods for the two periods of this class.I had to wait for different approvals to go through, and for different red tape to be crossed, but, at the end of last week, the change became officially approved.I knew it was coming, but that didn't stop me from crying in my car the entire commute home....more
I have a secret fear that one day I will snap and totally abandon my family. (Honey, if you are reading this - and you better be reading this - calm down, it's just a deep and irrational fear, I heart you and am not going anywhere. Hopefully my vow to stick around is good news.)...more
I got the email a few days ago. It’s always like that; you get the call, or they pull you aside. You sit down on the couch and look up at them – they’re always standing – and they clear their throats, sigh, and look down at you. There’s always a look of regret. There’s always a flash of pain in the eyes.“She got into daycare. We’re not going to need you after November 1.”...more
I picked up pizza and salad for dinner tonight at the neighborhood pizza joint a block away. My daughter's lifelong BFF is spending the night and Pizza Man always seems good fare on such evenings. Pizza Man serves Chicago style pizza, a delicacy here in the BBQ capital of the world, and we came to savor its exquisite flavor when our children attended the daycare next door and we were privy to the "Special Beginnings" discount.
The aptly named Special Beginnings Early Learning Center was just that: a tiny but extraordinary cente...more
Here it is again
Ginormous spans of time and distance
Echo in the gap between us
How is it I am not mad with grief and fear?
It’s because I was shot
The last time you left on a jet plane
I was shot to the heart
Your arrival, your joy, your return
They still run through me
Like the waterfall you stood under
Eternal it seemed
Did you hear it?
Over the age old rush
Of hydrogen, oxygen, and gravity?
“This is my dau...more
I almost lost it--my sanity, my togetherness—when the song came on. “This is what it means to be held. How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life.” I covered my mouth. So she wouldn’t hear the sound of my desperation. I pushed my sunglasses up, thankful for them. She was awake. She might be watching. I need Superglue. I blinked back tears. ‘Cause I’m falling apart. I focused on I-270....more
It’s hot here in Florida during the summertime, but I didn’t let that stop me as I dressed in chic jeans and heels preparing to take my twin toddlers to the library for the first time. The 1.5-mile walk seemed just the right distance for a strollered stroll when we were inside our air-conditioned home.
First, let me say that I only got one blister, and it didn’t show up until halfway there. Huzzah....more
There wasn't much time between the moment my husband and I decided to get a divorce and the moment I moved out. Packing is an incredible distraction. No matter how much stuff you have and how hard it is to find a new place and get some footing on life, there comes a point where your head slows down long enough to think.
I've reached that point. I can't stop thinking.
There are two options after a break-up: remain friends, or move forward without them. The most successful option has been to remain distant for a period of time, licking wounds and recovering from the break-up, and leaving the option of a platonic relationship or rekindling romance in the future. But throw in new boyfriends, old ones, social scenes, and the plethora of communication tools vaaialble today ("rejected from 7 different techlogies," anyone?), it's not so black and white like we would hope.