Do You Have Any Children?

When your child has died, sometimes even the most ordinary of circumstances can cause an ache in your heart like no other. Imagine - you're the new wife at coffee morning, the new person in the office, joining a gym or a club, anything in which you would encounter people that you've never met before, but in which you would be required to socialise. My name is Jane, what's yours?Nice to meet you Lisa.Oh you have an interesting accent, where are you from?...more

Please Don't Compare Your Grief to Mine

 Did you ever realise this? I never did until Finley died. I think it must be because losing a child is just too horrible to comprehend. Too disturbing to have a single word describe it. ...more

Processing Advice for Expectant Moms via Surrogacy

There seems to be no shortage of advice for visibly expectant moms. But what about those of us approaching parenthood from different places? As an expectant mom via gestational surrogacy, the tried and true pregnancy tomes are helpful (kinda, sorta, I guess) but there’s often no room to get to my questions, the ones specific to our situation. Having a baby that’s gestating several states away from you brings with it its own set of questions, worries and concerns that you, as a soon-to-be-mom, are doing everything right, or as right as can be. ...more
This was great. We are at almost 28 weeks now with a gestational carrier and I wish we had seen ...more

Lest We Forget

 So today is Remembrance Day - a day that has meant something since I was small. I can remember the ceremony we had for it in school in the first grade. They showed a video made by the Canadian War Amputees and it had a song called 'Never Again'. That has stuck with me. ...more

Mother and Child

 Mother and Child by Eugene FieldOne night a tiny dewdrop fellInto the bosom of a rose,--"Dear little one, I love thee well,Be ever here thy sweet repose!"Seeing the rose with love bedight,The envious sky frowned dark, and then... Continue reading at http://dear-finley.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/mother-and-child.html ...more

If I Could Change One Thing

 So far on NaBloPoMo, I've not been following the writing prompts at all. A lot of them don't really fit on this blog, and I've had a lot to say regardless. But today's prompt is one I felt I could really work with. The prompt is: If you could change one thing about your life right now, what would it be?  For some people it would be to find their dream home, or dream job, or to have a body like Cindy Crawford...but for me there is only one thing I would ever change. ...more

Questioning Faith

 Most of the blogs I read are written by people who have an undeterred faith in God despite the loss of their babies. I sometimes wonder if I'm the only person in the world who questions life and God and religion and faith and everything since Finley died.... Continue reading at http://dear-finley.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/questioning-faith.html ...more

Missing You Right Now

  Dear Finley, I feel like it has been too long since I’ve written, but at the same time there’s not much new that I can think of to say. I never stop missing you. I still think of you every minute of every day. I can’t seem to quite make peace with the fact that you aren’t here yet, I don’t know if I ever will. I hope that as more time carries on, that things will feel more calm and that perhaps I will find a reason that I can accept for why things are the way that they are. ...more

The Boy in the Green Jacket

    Over the weekend, Steve and I went into town like we often do. We were walking up to the barber shop so he could get his haircut when we heard frantic shouting.“HAS ANYONE SEEN A TODDLER WEARING A GREEN JACKET? HIS NAME IS SAMMY!!”My heart sank, and the words “oh no” escaped my lips. There were loads of people looking around... ...more

The Significance of a Date

If you’ve ever experienced the death of a baby, or perhaps the death of anybody close to you, do the dates associated with the loss jump out at you and stop you in your tracks?Recently I’ve been working on catching up on some data entry in work, and I came across several papers that had Finley’s birthday or the day he died written or stamped on them. Seeing those dates was a complete shock. Like many things relating to Finley, my breath was gone. My heart started beating very fast and I needed to take time after each one to reflect on things and then collect my thoughts........more