Continuing on from Parts 1 & 2 wherein I experienced several miscarriages, one healthy pregnancy resulting in the birth of our beautiful boy Ender and finally passing the 3 month mark on a second baby boy. If you missed them, please read Part 1 and Part 2. Thank you.-----------------------...more
I open the door to an almost empty waiting room.
"Can you sign in here please?"
Why is there nobody here? This can't be a good sign.
I sign in, hand the receptionist my necessary cards.
"Oh, I talked to you yesterday, didn't I? You've been having some problems, right?"
Girl, I got problems you don't even want to know about.
"Fill these out and we will be right with you."
Why is there nobody here? Omg, is that him? He's ancient. Not a good sign.
"Carrie? You can come on back."
My husband Josh and I do not tell people when we are trying to get pregnant or talk specifics with anyone other than each other. It's a very personal matter to us. And while some people began asking "When are you going to have more kids" as soon as our twins turned one, we never told them what we talk about behind closed doors. We just aren't "those" people. So, to write a blog post about not only our recent attempts to get pregnant, but also our losses is really hard and makes me feel slightly awkward to do so, but, we're trying to keep things real on our blog. ...more
I’d never been one for writing prompts until last year and #reverb10. It was an interesting exercise to be required to write on a topic. It’s something I did with students while interning as a wanna be secondary English Teachers (which I found out, I don’t actually wanna be—I like, no—love– teaching technology to teachers and students, troubleshooting, making things go).We did things called just writes—grab a topic out of a jar and write about it for 2 minutes, 5 minutes, more. Just write....more
I am 10 minutes early.After signing my name on the first available line, I sit and wait.Deliberately I thumb through magazines, one after the other as families of four smile up at me from the glossy pages.It’s finally my turn.I am ushered to a dark room and asked to undress....more
I hope -- pray and wish and yearn -- that you don’t know what today is, because if you do, my heart breaks with and for you. October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, one of those holidays where “happy” doesn’t work as a well-wishing for the day. A "wave of light" will happen tonight when parents of loss light a candle at 7PM in all time zones as we remember those babies that were ours for far too short a time.
Her name was Ava Grace and looking back now, I realize she wasn't meant to be... The name was not definite — it could have been Mia or Sera or Julia or even Jack as well — but the image of her was fully formed in my mind. Strawberry blond pigtails bounced as she giggled at kisses blown on her belly; a smattering of inevitable freckles danced across her nose and cheeks; her dimpled hands grasped a pink blankie, her fingers working the silky fabric as she drifted of to sleep....more
A dear friend will celebrate her son’s first birthday next month. And although her home will be full of joy as grandparents and friends gather to mark his first year, sorrow will also be a guest. Because his first birthday party was to be the day she announced she was pregnant with Will’s sister or brother. But last week she miscarried her 9 week old little one. And the homemade, “I’m going to be a Big Brother,” shirt will stay folded in the dresser....more
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