So, spoiler alert: Santa Claus isn’t real.
Oops. Were you reading this post aloud to your small child? My apologies for ruining his/her innocence. I have a bad habit of spreading truth at inopportune times. There are about 25 women who still resent me for being That Kid who, in 1990, told their eight-year-olds that Santa wasn’t real. I didn’t get invited to a lot of birthday parties when I was in third grade. I can’t imagine why.
I have gathered strong evidence that Santa Claus may not be real!
I noticed that Santa Claus was on separate teleBision commercials using different brands of cellular telephones, shown within minutes of each other. In one commercial he is using an iPhone, and in another commercial some other brand. I was so shocked that I forgot the second brand's name.
No wait, it gets worse: GPS
In the 1890s, a little girl named Virginia wrote a letter to the editor of the New York Sun, saying that her friends told her Santa Claus didn’t exist, seeking reassurance from the newspaper because her daddy told her that if it was in the Sun, then it was true. The editorial board famously responded with a letter titled, “Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.”
The response goes on to say that the world would be a dreary place and the light of childhood would be extinguished if Santa didn’t exist. But I don’t think this is true. I sure hope not since we plan on telling Noah from the beginning that Santa is not real....more