In the words of the immortal Anne of Green Gables Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet? - L.M. MontgomeryThis is the thought that gets me through most days. I have no idea what I'm doing, I mostly just make shit up as I go along. I suspect I'm not alone. ...more
'Tis the month before Christmas. Visions of holidays gone by dance in my head. 'Who can forget my mother standing at the bottom of the stairs, screaming, "Everybody up! 'We're having company for Christmas. Let's clean out the bedroom closets."Some people call them memories. I call them flashbacks.Of course, I don't yell at my kids - because they left home and they are screening their calls. No. I got a cleaning lady and when I ask her to clean she says, "No comprendez Anglais," which is crazy because she's my cousin from Idaho....more
“You’re too loud!” A man’s nylon-enshrouded arm waved for my attention, for everyone’s attention. He looked miserable.He sat among rows of over-prepared tourists, all wearing shoes so sensible they had no place in London. Some were shod with hiking boots. Others with bulbous white trainers, the sort resembling miniature cruise liners on each foot, which is, I suspect, their natural environment. But we were on an open-top tour bus in the centre of London, not the Alps or a 14-day cruise to the Bahamas, though a few wore the T-shirts.Somehow in a sea of immigration and unparalleled diversity, amid faces and accents of all hues and tones, these tourists still managed to concoct a look that said: We don’t belong here.Looking back at the still-waving man, I paused, microphone in hand, to assess the situation. He locked bespectacled eyes with mine and crumpled his face like he had a migraine that was entirely my doing. This one’s a problem, I thought – my first delinquent passenger as a new London tour guide....more
I’ll admit I was expecting some trees. Camping would be the perfect break from the cacophony of London, I needed – respite from the queues, the cost and the constant threat of pickpockets and train delays.For the peace of the countryside, I was willing to incur a few itchy welts and fall slack with my hygiene. From my tent in the shadow of the trees, I would mistake the sound of the wind for traffic, and the buzz of mosquitoes for shit electronica reverberating through from the neighbour's flat. But then I would awake to my refreshing new reality in the countryside. And I would take a long, deep breath of clean country air and smile contentedly – completely relaxed and rejuvenated. There would be little to do, other than play cards in the dancing orange light around the campfire, and perhaps cool our beer in the frigid North Atlantic sand.I had no idea what I was in for, but driving through a military weapons test site on the way to the campground was the first sign I wasn’t going to get the peace I’d been expecting....more
You know food is bad for you when.....
*It tastes good
*When you have had some, you want more
*You would rather spend an evening eating this food than go on a date with your boyfriend
*You have seen them eating this food on Friends or any other sitcom
*Your grandmother says they did not have it in her day
*No matter how much you buy, it is always running out.
*It never reaches its best before date...you have alway eaten it by then
*You never look at the price, you just put it in the trolley
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