The French philosopher, Michel de Montaigne, born in 1533, was an intellectual who spent his writing life knocking the arrogance of intellectuals. In his great masterpiece, the Essays, he comes across as relentlessly wise and intelligent – and funny. Most poignantly he said, “Kings and philosophers shit, and so do ladies.”
That first moment that I clearly remember was when my oldest was born and we were spending our first nights in the hospital post c-section. He needed a diaper change so I placed him ever-so-gently on my bed between my legs and gathered the required materials. His tiny little toes, his cute little bum, ah, it was just perfection. And then I undid his diaper, readied a wipe, and began to clean the cutest little bum…
...and he pooped on my hand. And not just any poop… that first poop. The one they warn you about.
I have a huge confession to make. I can’t poop when anyone is around. For some reason, I completely freeze up and my shooter shuts down. I call it the emergency shit switch. It’s like a catastrophic event when I need to poop and there are people nearby. The switch gets flipped and shit just stops. Literally....more
I'm not gonna lie to you. This weather is effecting my bowels. Now before you go running for the little X up there in the right corner, I promise I'm not going to get all graphic and actually DESCRIBE what's going on with my bowels. But I am going to say this: since the beginning of this awful 'Polar Vortex' crap, my crap isn't what it used to be.Case in point: I'm a regular girl, very regular. Like, 'every single morning at 8:30' regular. Even on the weekends, when I sleep a little later, I'm still fairly regular. Here's how my schedule works:...more
Keeping pet waste off the ground is an important responsibility held by all pet owners. If not addressed, the presence of unattended to waste can quickly become a major point of conflict amongst neighbors....more
Glory! Glory alleluia! Baby Spock dropped a deuce! She did this voluntarily. And by “voluntarily” I mean she issued demands and when they were met she released the hostages. Her primary demand was to be put back into a diaper for (her) convenience. I didn’t care. As long as she made with the boom-boom I would have let her use the front yard had she been so inclined....more
It's Murphy's Law of Parenthood: Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong when you're least prepared. We went grocery shopping last night after dinner. It's always fun to take Danny along shopping as he loves to grab whatever is within his reach and throw it in the cart, on the floor or even in someone else's cart. He thinks he's helping mommy. I was two aisles away from the baby aisle when I first smelled disaster: It was a fresh, familiar odor that I've tackled single-handedly many times over. And of course, we have a poomergency and the diaper bag is a quarter mile away in the backseat of a parked car (thank you Murphy's Law!)....more