I knew going back to work would be hard, but I didn’t think It would hurt this damn much.Thursdays and Fridays are the worst days for me.Every Thursday I wake up and cram as much “special time” in to the two hours before we leave that I can, in between getting clean and dressed. I’ll feed Bean his favorite breakfast of grapes and crackers and turn on a bit of Pocoyo so he’ll sit in my lap and munch happily away....more
When I sprogged out baby number 1 I had just moved to a new city with a new husband and was jobless, friendless and scared shitless. I had never been around children growing up, none of my friends had had children and prior to falling in love and getting knocked up (I deplore and secretly love the violence of that term) I was touring as a stand up, drinking every night and bouncing around Europe....more
SO...am currently in week 3 of a six week therapy programme. Having survived sexual abuse as a girl child, I have had my fair share of therapists and different styles of the years and I always found group therapy the best because I learn so much from others. I watch and absorb and generally feel nourished by how normal my own experiences are - and perhaps comforted by the fact things aren't so bad for me afterall (perhaps there is a new syndrome to be named here: The Jerry Springer effect 'I'm bad but not that bad!'). ...more
The child of her second pregnancy was a very wanted child. When the first child was miscarried their hearts quietly shattered. Standing in the empty nursery was beyond them. The father locked the door....more
Like many mothers, I look back on the infant stage with foggy recollection. This is not all due to sleep deprivation though. I feel like my experience as a new mother was also clouded with postpartum depression and anxiety.
I have judged myself before for how I felt during that time, and there has been shame. After being able to read so many other blogs that have been beautifully honest about this issue, I feel comfortable in owning my experience as my own.
Still, there are times when I see new moms, and they look so relaxed, so comfortable, so peaceful.
I marvel at this....more
I have struggled with depression in my recent past. The worst of it had presented itself as post-partum depression (PPD). Knowing this, my doctor put me on an antidepressant two weeks before the babies were born, so that it’d be in my system. It worked incredibly well. I enjoyed my babies and I didn’t find myself struggling mentally like I had with my other two. I stayed on the meds until the twins were about 10 months old, when I accidentally skipped a dose. Then two. Then three… soon enough, I decided I might as well go cold turkey and see how it would all pan out. ...more
I guess that I am supposed to want to try to wean myself off of the Wellbutrin, to “gain independence from medication” and all that jazz. But quite frankly, I’m terrified that the depression will come back if we meddle with things, so I’m always relieved when she doesn’t suggest it. If it is still fixed, let’s not mess with the duct tape we used when it broke. You know?
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