Maternal Depression Four Years Out: It's Worse When You Think It'll Be Better

2004 was the year my daughter was born. 2008 was the year I found myself in intensive therapy and starting my first serious experience with antidepressants. I was a mess: lashing out at my husband, crying in conference rooms at my then-job, breaking down sobbing while giving my daughter a bath and then feeling terribly guilty for letting her see me fall apart. I attributed it to our move to the suburbs, my husband's job, my daughter's still-refusal to sleep through the night ... really anything but PPD. I mean, four years out is a little late for that, right? Maybe not. ...more
clairejess Trust me, you are so not alone!more

Pills vs. Pregnancy: Which Would You Choose?

Hopefully the title caught your attention. No, I'm not referring to a drug addiction. I'm referring to taking anti-anxiety medication and/or antidepressants while pregnant. I recently posed a question about antidepressants and pregnancy on Facebook, and the overwhelming response was in favor of no medication for a healthy pregnancy. ...more
Thank you, Karen!  So very true that we just don't know all of the effects these drugs may have, ...more

Knowing When to Seek Professional Help

No, I'm not referring to hiring a housekeeper or a personal chef, I'm talking about finding a professional to talk to.  A therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, counselor, etc. Last week was a rough one for me.  I had been dressing my face in a smile and plowing through the myriad of things that were on my plate....more

What I Want To Hear About Postpartum Depression

Thanks! I know, my husband has been such a rock through this whole process. It's been a ...more

And that is okay

 Last night Steve asked me what I wanted to do today....more


It’s so easy to lay blame when we see news stories like this one in which a pregnant mother, with her three kids on board, drove her van into the ocean....more

Depression is a beast

 Depression is a beast. It takes insecurities and amplifies them. It takes accomplishments and minimizes them....more  Sorry, I just saw your comment. Thank you so much! I totally agree that it is ...more

Postpartum Depression Hurts: A First Time Mom's Battle

After T went back to work, I was trapped in a tiny, cold house with only a rented breast pump and a screaming newborn. I never felt more alone and scared. The thoughts going through my head were a laundry list of self-loathing: I wasn’t cut out for this. L.E. and T. both deserved better than me. I was such a burden to them. I was worthless. I was helpless. I can’t even provide breastmilk. I felt as though the walls were closing in on me and I had no escape....more
@clairewestbrook I'd love to read your post! What's your blog URL?more

The Isolation of Postpartum Depression

For someone who has been blogging for what feels like forever, oversharing for the entirety of it all, I was shockingly silent when I had postpartum depression. In my real life, I didn't talk to my friends about it. I plastered a smile on my face. I didn't blog about it until well after the fact. Part of me couldn't; giving voice to the feelings made them feel more real. Molly Wizenberg at Orangette recently wrote about her experience and the feelings of isolation that come with PPD. ...more
Ditto here. I didn't blog when my PPD first started, but I certainly wouldn't have written about ...more

Excited for today

This blog started out as a way for me  to turn my infertility experience into something I could share with others.  It’s also a way for me to write about the journey of finding myself again. I have been seeing a psychiatrist.  I’m not embarrassed about it but I also don’t fully embrace it.  Now hear me out….the reason I haven’t fully embraced it is because doctor # 1 told me that I don’t have post partum depression.  It’s depression, yes….but he doesn’t think its post-partum and that my not having bonded with her fully is something else.  I didn’t agree...more