Broken Heart

Prior to infertility, I’d only experienced one broken heart in my life.  I was eighteen and my teenage true love fell to pieces.  It was tragic in a way that losing your first love always is, but I didn’t blame God for the loss.  He didn’t make our relationship falter--we did.   This time around the broken-heart-block, things were different.  There was only One person capable of bringing life into this world.  And He was also the one capable of preventing it.   ...more


On October 26th, 2008, I write:I wrote yesterday that I was depressed.  Well, today I’m adding “angry” to the list as well.  I went to church this morning hoping it would help improve my outlook.  Instead, I just felt hard and angry.   ...more

Better than Church

It's Sunday morning at Wild Type Ranch.  We returned late last night from 2 days at an Angus cattle sale in Fredericksburg, TX.  Everyone else is having a well-deserved lie-in, but I've already gotten too used to the summer early rising schedule to sleep in.  [Between needing to leave early for farmer's markets twice a week and the need to get out and work before it gets hot here in Texas, our summer schedule typically starts at dawn and involves a mid-day shower and siesta].  ...more

Suburban Night

It's night and I am driving.  Leaving behind the whirlwind of the day. Eyes cautiously scan the road ahead. My grip tightens on the wheel as the world outside blurs and fades behind me. Replaying, reexamining, repeating, repeating, repeating, repeating.... Strange shadows blend into the line of trees just beyond the road, anxiety rises. Where am I going? I am energy cutting through the night and it feels good. A restless soul reaching out for a sympathetic ear.  ...more

Give the Christmas Card a personal touch

It's that time of year again.  Time to write the Christmas letter and send out cards.  It is nice to receive and send them and to catch up with friends and family.  It is also important, during the hustle and bustle, to remember God's gift to us, His son Jesus.    ...more

This is the Earth that will open up her mouth, which's Kah, the inner self. Come and talk to me!

This is the inward man, as well. My description has a mole like sack on my left side of my head, with a penny slot like birthmark on the top of my head. It was or is my halo on the top of my head, with my golden crown on my left side of my head. If I become a man; It's a deadly wound that was healed on the top of my head, with two horns, like that of a Lamb on my left side of my head. It could also be the sun that I'm clothed with on my left side of my head, with a crown of twelve stars upon my head having the moon beneath my feet, while being the man child at the same time before ascending. ...more