Freedom and my dragon Please be aware that this text may contain triggersI wrote this passage years ago....when I used others to harm myself. I married the wrong person, trusted the wrong people, and had no idea how to build lasting bonds. I am still working on those things. Every night I dream of escaping...of getting away from this self-made prison....more
The trial of Jerry Sandusky is over and he's been found guilty of atrocities that I don't have the stomach to list. All reasonable people are shocked and disgusted by his actions and saddened for his victims. While he will likely spend the rest of his life in prison, that is only a small drop of justice in a flood of evil. His name sparks a lot of emotions in our country these days. I know it does for me. I am also a survivor of sexual abuse. ...more
I know the exact moment my perception of the world changed forever. The obvious assumption would be the year I turned twelve. As painful and traumatic as that year of my life was, it was the following year that changed me forever. At twelve I lost my innocence but the year I turned thirteen I lost my faith in others. ...more
I’ve been reading a lot about the scandal at Penn State lately. Actually, scandal isn’t the right word – this isn’t a celebrity divorce we’re talking about. This is a horrible tragedy that has occurred, and I am horrified there were adults in a position to stop the suffering and humiliation these children have suffered but instead stayed silent or performed the smallest required amount of action… just enough to cover their ass....more
Water is splashing everywhere, my face is drenched. I can hear each breath coming in and out of me, a low growling sound emanating from somewhere deep inside. I look through the thrashing water, see the reason for my struggle. A face I hate, eyes open in terror. My hands show no mercy. I wake from the dream startled, uneasy…as usual. The dream which has visited me at least once a year for over a decade, though unsettling, no longer scares me. No longer pleases me either. ...more
I'll have you know, 30 mph feels very slow. As we pulled into the parking lot, I cleared my throat and said, "Owen, can you please not tell your father about this?" His voice sliced the air, sharp like steel. "Mommy. We don't keep secrets in our family."
I never meant to float through high-school without a sense of self-worth or value, life just happens that way. Growing up with a Daddy in prison didn’t help much. Growing up with a sexually abusive Daddy pretty much put the final nail in my coffin. I remember the 16 yr. old me. I remember the one who decided to stay with my boyfriend who was cheating on me because I wondered if I would “ever get him back,” because I feared “no one else,” would “ever love me.”...more
Learning to write. I was good at it when I was younger…much younger. But I think I might be able to relearn the skill. I think I need to. I want to help other survivors. There are so many ways I could do that, and I’m still figuring out that path....more