I have a dirty, little secret, and I was always told "secrets, secrets are no fun - secrets, secrets hurt someone." My secret? Shame. It’s also a major topic I have been recently addressing in my life with my counselor. Many of us assimilate shame and guilt but actually they are two very different thought processes. For example:
Guilt is, "Uh oh, I did some wrong and I feel bad."
Shame is, "Uh oh, I did something wrong so I am bad."
This is a very brief start to a long conversation. I am 47 years old with a teen son. I realized today that the shame I have felt since a young girl has shaped and influenced my life and shaped my present. In the time capsule of my teens and twenties, I was ashamed of my dad for being a loser and for not being a typical dad who was there when the times got rough, nor could he keep a steady job. Smart as heck as he was, it was not enough for me. I would be better. ...more
The spiritual practice we are focusing on this month is forgiveness. As I began to pray about this, I wondered how I was going to talk about forgiveness and food. It was during our Living the Five Agreements group when I realized that what had helped me stop overeating and eating compulsively was when I began forgiving myself and others....more
“Shame needs 3 things to grow out of control in our lives: secrecy, silence, and judgment. When something shaming happens and we keep it locked up, it festers and grows…But the 4 elements of shame resilience are: Name it. Talk about it. Own your story. Tell the story.”Brené Brown in The Gifts of Imperfection ...more
I posted this Wednesday (below in italics along with image of butterflies) this week on my Facebook page. I am trying to be braver and more honest by allowing my true voice to emerge. It has emerged -- always been there -- I just have not allowed myself to share the voice openly. I like to write live so social media and blogging really works for me....more
All of us know it. The feeling of a sinking heart, blush of the cheeks and crushing embarrassment. For some of us the tendrils of this dissolute emotion of shame can morph into anger or depression, sometimes both....more
I recently watched Brené Brown's Ted Talk, "Listening to Shame." As she described some of the messages shame tells us, I got noticeably uncomfortable and started to feel like I might cry. I am very familiar with feeling "not good enough" and questioning, "Who do I think I am?"
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