Grandma's Two Dimensional Boyfriend

My mother is a trip.Sometimes she wears a wig; not because she has cancer or thinning hair, but because she is lazy and doesn't feel like combing it. **Click image to read full article**...more

One liners

Over on fifty|fifty vision I’ve been experimenting with one line memoirs.  It came from the idea of six word stories, which lots of people (starting with Hemingway) do so well. Not surprisingly, I can’t seem to contain myself to six words. But give me a few more, and it’s a fun ride through my overactive and need-for-immediate-results imagination. My piece for fifty|fifty is more midlife memoir-ish....more

The Gym: A Place Where People Go To Sweat And Be Jerky!

I've always been very disciplined and self-motivated when it came to working out....more

Saving Stella

Hamish is an extremely elderly, pure white cat, he rubbed his white fur all over my legs as Biffo's Aunty asked us if we wanted a drink. I said yes expecting tea, at strongest, builders tea. I got a blue plastic beaker, decorated with Greek figurines, filled with vodka and perhaps, only perhaps, the slightest sniff of tonic waved somewhere nearby. Not to be rude I (very slowly) drank the beaker of pure Smirnoff while Aunty provided a feast of cheese and onion crisps and Tunnocks Teacakes. You can’t beat a Tunnocks in my humble opinion, the taste, the texture… ...more

Snow Beast versus The Drunk Girl

I grew up in the Midwest, where the snow came in feet–not inches. While the kids in the South prayed for a thin layer of dust, we prayed for a blizzard that never seemed to come....more

When in doubt, blame the dog.

This morning was one of those mornings where everything that could go wrong, DID go wrong (but not for me). It was the husband's turn to have a bad day for a change, and as the morning unfolded, so did a turn of events that would mark another hysterical moment in the life of an only child. ...more

You can't regret... What you don't remember!

One time, I got so drunk waiting on a friend that I passed out, face down, on a table in a crowded restaurant. By the time she got there, the security guards were leaning over to help me out of my chair. "No... Please don't call the police," I heard my friend say as they mumbled something about public intoxication. I remember one of them reaching down to pick up my purse, which totally freaked me out because I didn't want them to steal my last $20. So I wrestled my way out of their tight grip and dropped to the ground to collect my things....more
AussaLorens good thing she showed up! could've been ugly... ;-)more

Has THIS ever happened to YOU? OH! You must be MARRIED!

If the roll is empty, change it. If it looks like it might be getting empty, change it. If you think that there may even be a remote chance that there are only two squares left, grab a new roll and (wait for it)... CHANGE it!...more

Fast and Furious. That sounds an awful lot like life.

We go through life dodging obstacles and speeding past all the best turns. When is it time to slow down and start living?...more

Can we talk about religion or is that just an old wives tale?

Yep. I'm doing it. I'm going to talk about something that is probably going to piss a lot of people off... But it shouldn't.  If you do find yourself getting a little hot under the collar, you might want to grab a mirror and a shot of whiskey; because your ignorance is showing–and it's not pretty!...more
Lola Leghorn Exactly! It doesn't MATTER what I believe!  But for some, it does... And it pisses ...more