Everything Changed Today: I'm Pregnant with Your Sibling, Ruby

Dear Ruby, Today I woke up and hugged the blanket Bubba knit for you, as I do every morning. Its softness reminds me of your cheeks, almost silky to the touch. I started today like any other day: I showered, brushed my teeth, washed my face, and picked out what to wear to work. While my routine looked the same, today was different. Today, I am pregnant....more
Tearing up as I read this, so touching, beautiful and inspiring.  Congrats on the wonderful news!more

What If This Is Our Last Baby? Parenting an Only Child After Loss

I didn't expect this to knock me over like they did, the words of this one mama. I started to read her article about why she has decided to be a mother of only one child because I was curious. And then my eyes met this: “I’ve had my daughter . I am so grateful to have my one beautiful daughter. I don’t wish to have any more.” And those words, they were met with tears. Are met with tears now, as I write this....more
What beautiful writing. Thank you for sharing your open and honest heart. I too have lost a ...more

When to Drop the "Dead Baby" Bomb

I've been blogging since a few months after my son died and was born. Along the way I have connected with other bloggers who share my story. There is a special bond between us, we are sisters in grief. Many of us have gone on to have our rainbow babies. Some have stopped blogging, but a few of us have continued. It's been nice to be able to see how other BLM's are dealing with life after our rainbows are born. ...more
I don't know. I suspect that the answer is probably different for each relationship? Is that ...more

Do Books on Grief Make Grief Harder?

I didn't want anyone telling me how to grieve or giving me advice on something so crippling and unforgiving. I didn't want someone telling me it would be okay eventually or that I needed to move on and this was how to do it. I did read two books, but mostly memoirs of those who had babies die before me. I craved that literature, as I wanted to know I wasn't alone. But a psychiatrist's point of view about how to handle the worst thing conceivable? I wanted nothing to do with those words. ...more
Spot on. For the record, I hated Tear Soup, the only book I opened as well, and then shut half ...more

Babies are not supposed to die. End of story.

Ever since that dreadful, beautiful day where I held and lost my son, I felt a strong need to keep his memory alive. This was not an easy task....more

Grief Reflected in Nature

I never really thought about whether or not animals mourn until a few weeks ago when Steve and I were watching a program that has forever touched my heart.Did you know that dolphins grieve? We watched as a dolphin gave birth to her baby and brought it to the surface of the water so it could take its first breath. After a few minutes of her repeatedly nudging it to the surface........more

Visiting Cemeteries

A couple of weeks ago, I visited a cemetery.  It's a military cemetery, I believe, small and intimate and ancient-feeling.  I have gone there before, because I find cemeteries peaceful, and because they help me to think more clearly about life and God and death.  But this time I went looking for something different....more

I'm unsure

My sweet baby girl was born dead on July 10th 2012...Harper LynnI'm so unsure of how to deal with this... I feel like I'm grieving wrong. I keep reading that there is no right or wrong way to grieve but I still feel like I'm doing it wrong.Inside I'm broken, my heart aches... it physically hurts. But outside I feel like I should be showing it more. I feel like I should be crying all the time and unable to get out of bed and worthless. Inside that is how I feel but it doesn't match my outside. I think I am trying to be strong so people leave me alone....more

In the Storm: Baby Loss and Pregnancy Afterward

As I write, a storm rages outside.  Tumultuous clouds, scathing wind, thunder and falling branches, power lost, sideways rain -- I love it.  I love a good storm.But personal storms?  Storms in which clouds blacken my heart instead of the sky?  I'm not such a fan of those....more

The Journey of Grief is Meant to be Traveled (Plus an Oatmeal Recipe)

A few weeks ago, I thought to myself, "My blog is really depressing.  All I write about is grief."And while I don't know if "depressing" is the right word to describe this blog, it is true that I mostly write about sadness and loss, with some posts on our rainbow baby mixed in.I decided it was time to switch things up.  After all, there is more to [my] life than grief.  Right?...more