After Devastation and Loss, My Rainbow Baby Is Here

Dear Ruby, If you would have told me a year ago that I would go a day without crying, I wouldn’t have believed you. If you would have told me a year ago that I would laugh without guilt, I wouldn’t have believed you. If you would have told me a year ago that one day, my heart would once again be filled with joy, I wouldn’t have believed you. ...more
Definitely leaking all over my face right now as I'll be meeting my rainbow next week. Hope is a ...more

To The Mom Whose Arms Are Empty: A Love Letter

The nursery is empty. There are gifts still piled in the corner, a hand-sewn blanket draped perfectly over the handed-down crib. A soft, brown bear with a blue ribbon tied smartly around his neck sits expectantly in the rocking chair. You stand at the threshold, numb with the enormity of it all, absentmindedly placing a protective hand over your belly which is still swollen from the space he held and stretched, wondering if the tears will ever stop. ...more
Thank you for this.more

Babies are not supposed to die. End of story.

Ever since that dreadful, beautiful day where I held and lost my son, I felt a strong need to keep his memory alive. This was not an easy task....more

My Rainbow after the Storm Part 3

 Friday, December 14th was a horrible time for our Nation. The lives of innocent children and adults were wrongfully/abruptly taken away in a shooting at a school in Newtown, Connecticut. My heart bleeds for those parents/family members. I know first hand what it is like to see the tiny casket containing your legacy lowered six feet below ground. I know the feeling of "my life will never be the same." I know the feeling of "why did this happen to me, what did I do to deserve this?"...more

My Rainbow after the Storm Part 2

I heard some people make the decision to not see their child when they have a stillborn. However, for months all I did was anticipate the first day I would get to meet our "creation." He was everything I imagined him to be. Richard was a little replica of my husband, he even had my husband's feet. I did pray for him to be handsome like my husband, and he was. We just never got to see his eyes. I would cry even months after his death over not  being able to see what my son's eyes looked like. I remember as my due date got closer, I would fear the physical pain of labor....more

My Rainbow after the Storm

 ...more

Eleven

Eleven months since you were born silently into this world. At times I can't believe it's been that long already. At other times it feels like it's been eleven years. I am filled with mixed emotions today. I am sitting in a lovely hotel in Spain. We have spent the week sleeping late, laying by the pool, getting tan, drinking wine, and taking naps. Oh, and I've also been injecting myself with IVF drugs in preparation for our upcoming transfer. ...more

An Amazing Letter From My Mother

We're getting ready to start our donor egg IVF cycle and I was talking with my parents about it over the weekend. They are hugely supportive of what we are doing because they know exactly what we are going through. You see, when I was 2 years old my Mother had a stillborn son. The cause was doctor error,, they pierced the umbilical cord during an amnio in the 8th month. She had no idea anything was wrong until the next appointment when they found no heartbeat. This was back in the 1970's when people weren't nearly as sensitive to these things....more

The One Where I Lie to My Friends

I have a confession to make... a friend is moving back to the US and even though I pretend to be sad about it, I am actually happy she's going! I feel terrible for feeling this way, but I can't help myself. It's amazingly selfish and if any of my friends in real life knew they would be very upset with me. They would be horrified that I could think such a horrible thing about someone I call my friend. It would probably change their view of me completely. So I hide it. I keep it to myself and pray that no one discovers my dark secret. So what is this friend's crime?? What has she done to make me so happy that she's moving so far away? Three wordsHER BABY LIVED...more
I am not exactly in your situation...the only time I was lucky enough to have been pregnant was ...more

The Club That No One Wants To Join

I have found myself a part of a very exclusive club. It's a secret club that you only find out about once you're invited to join. The price of membership is very high and there are no refunds. Once you become a member, you are a member for life. No matter where you go or what you do, you will always belong to this club. It is an all-inclusive group of men and women from around the world. This club does not discriminate against anyone for any reason. It is one of the most diverse clubs around. Equal opportunity reigns free here. ...more

You write movingly and I am very sorry for your loss. You point out the importance of grieving ...more