Absent Hearts, Missing Pieces

This is the title of a memoir I published in 2003 but it is now out of print. I thought of the title again today when I was thinking of the holidays and all the sadness I continue to have of missing people in my life. Memories that won’t be made because of family members who have died or grandchildren who I am not allowed to see. I thought about being a single parent and all the women in my ancestry who were single parents, who began this trend long ago....more

Scheduling Life

Gesturing at my swollen abdomen, he said, “Do you know how much money you can get for one of those on the black market?”I don't know what reaction I expected when I announced my pregnancy to my peers.The timing was lousy. Entering my third year of college, I had barely two semesters worth of credits to go and my dream internship lined up....more

The Little Guy: Part One

I was in my hotel room, at a conference, working with a colleague to get a computer set up. My manager had just called and asked me to write a briefing for the Attorney General's office. I was irritated because I had made a rare choice to skip a conference session and take a nap in my room right before I got the call. I was in the first trimester, after all, and very tired.We finally got the computer set up, and my friend was about to leave. I stood up to say good-bye, and there was blood on my chair.Blood everywhere. ...more

Mom, I'm Pregnant

“Mom I’m pregnant”3 words, life changing. Shocking and yet not unwelcome....more

To Tell or Not To Tell

Sunday arrives. I still haven’t decided if I’m going to tell my family or not. I just don’t know what to say or how to say it. Well, let me be honest, my younger sister and my younger brother already know. So basically who’s left to tell are my older sister and older brother and my parents....more

Changing My Perspective

I wake up the next day, and before I’m out of bed, BOOM it hits me just like that. Everything in my mind has changed. This isn’t just a good thing, it’s a great thing. It is a blessing. I want kids. So maybe it didn’t happen the way that I thought it would. It definitely didn’t happen the way I envisioned, but that doesn’t mean it’s anything but great. I say it again to myself It is a blessing! ...more

The Following Days Con't

I leave the room and sit in the lobby for them to finish my paperwork. While I’m waiting, I send Jason a text saying, “I just wanted to let you know that I’m at Planned Parenthood. They confirm that I am pregnant and due in November.”He sends a text back saying, “I don’t even know what to say to you.”Stunned by this reply, I’m at a loss for how to respond. How does he not know what to say to me? Last I knew, it takes two for this result to happen....more

Panic: A Second Baby Was Never in the Plans

Many of us blogger moms write beautiful, wonderful stories about the births of our children. They're stories filled with happy tears, love, and smooshy newborns. A recent tweet from my friend Keli got me thinking: Sometimes the stories start a little sooner and aren't all unicorns farting rainbows. Sometimes they're more PANIX AND SWEAR WORDZ AND MOAR PANIX! ...more
yep- nine "surprises"- see belowmore

Is it Accidental Pregnancy Season? The "Oops Baby" Fraud Continues

Freud once said there are no accidents. And in addition to sporting some truly impressive whiskers, Freud was also a pretty smart dude. But if he’s right, why is it that nearly everyone I know is announcing their pregnancy as an accident? Proudly and loudly at that! In fact, the enthusiasm with which they’re telling people that little tidbit seems downright suspicious. Perhaps a little “the lady doth protest too much”?So what IS an accidental pregnancy?...more