Vulnerability: The Struggle is Real

I’m back at Barnes & Noble even after the annoyance of what happened the other time. But today I have earphone and Pandora. Good bye opera; hello Les McCann. I smirked when I thought about the title of this post. “The struggle is real” is a phrase adopted from a brother in Christ who when he talks about rough patches in his walk most always end with saying “the struggle is real”, half-joking but dead serious. ...more

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday - On Vulnerability & Community

Inspired by NaBloPoMo writing prompt for Wednesday, March 12, 2014: Do you feel like you reveal too much of yourself on your blog? Do you think you hold back too much? ...more

Seeing to the Ugly

“The less of yourself you feel when you are with someone, the less of them you should probably see!” - Lakara FosterI logged into Facebook this evening, and my friend Tia had the quote above as her status update. I quickly commented, “That’s a word,” and I meant it....more

Hiding in the Car Eating Ice Cream to Give Myself an Hour of "Me Time"

Sometimes you just need to drive straight from the gym to get ice cream and then sit in your car listening to an audio book. Yes, I was sweaty and stinky. I had some down time and an opportunity to indulge myself. I don't generally do that. I always wish for down time and then feel bad when I have it. So, I decided I'd stop doing that for one hour. ...more

Misplaced Self-Respect

 As a young girl I learned from my mother, teachers, magazines, and friends that having self-respect was very important. If I were to grow up and lead a respectful life, I had better get busy getting self-respect. And so the search began and I looked outside myself in this search. It was here where I made the wrong turn. It was here where I misplaced my self-respect. What then is self-respect if it is not some moral code or universal law to follow? How do I find it? Joan Didion in her essay simple titled “On Self-Respect” says self-respect is: ...more

It Could be a Disaster, or It Could be Kind of Funny!

(Caption: When left to their own devices, they Create! Yesterday, Ben made a D.J. station for Bean and a guitar for himself out of paper.)...more

Emotions: The Land Of Negative

I have spent four days in solitude, digging up emotions, asking the tough questions, uprooting my spirit, and daring to drop a pebble into my well.This is what I found:I shove, push down and squelch my emotions because I live in the land of negative!Voices of doubt ~ Your not good enough ~ haunt the core of myself where I hunt for worth but come up empty.Sometimes I discover a nugget of positivity, but immediately throw dirt over the shine, covering any brightness with objection.What have I found in the quietness?...more

Imposter, MD

Last week I began functioning as a real doctor.  I didn’t wear a long white coat because family medicine doctors are too counter-culture to wear white coats but, I did write a prescription without having to run around looking for a doctor's signature.  I filled out official medical paperwork and signed "MD" behind my name. When my patient addressed me as, “doctor” instead of babbling out the usual, “No, no. I’m a medical student, but perhaps I can still be of help. If not, I’m certain I can find someone who can,” I simply turned and said, “Yes?”As excited as I am to be moving forward in my training, and as sure as I am that I learned many useful things over the past four years of medical school, I can't shake the feeling that when I say I'm a doctor, people have an image of what that means that is different from what I actually am.  As my co-intern said the other night at happy hour, "Is anybody else suffering from intense imposter syndrome?" Unanimous nods.Acknowledging it out loud helped explain the thoughts that had been popping into my head the past few weeks.  Whenever I had a moment of downtime, memories that I hadn't thought about in years would seemingly randomly surface: the time that a friend in high school decided she didn't like me anymore and I never understood why or what I had done; the time at soccer practice when I was nine and I was chided for thinking I was better than my teammates; and the time a coworker told me that he didn't trust me.What I fear is that somehow I've gotten this far despite of who I am. The litany of remembered failures and shortcomings, however small, are moments when people were able to see through to the truth of me. At any moment the smoke will clear and everyone around me will be able to see what they saw as well.  One ought to chastise me for even entertaining the thought that the people are around me could be so obtuse for so long, but the quiet fear remains, lurking in the back ground of my thoughts....more

Share your experience...especially when you don't feel like sharing

I coach and encourage expectant moms to do only what works for them during their pregnancies. This is the core focus of the work that I do. That being said, there are some general suggestions that I make. One is that you share with others about what you’re experiencing…especially when you don’t feel like sharing.  Now, how you might choose to share can look a myriad of ways. You could talk to a coach inside a confidential relationship, you could talk to everyone and anyone who will listen, you could open up to a small select group of trusted friends, etc....more

Why Women Need Permission to Fall to Pieces

A dear friend of mine is having a rough time. Maybe not going into the witness protection program to avoid the Russian mafia (which does NOT exist by the way) kind of rough time, but as rough as us non-made-for-t.v.-movie type people can have. She is in the processing of saying goodbye to a beloved pet who has been failing for quite some time. Unfun. Not a day at the beach, not even the beach located next to a nuclear waste spill. But here she was, doing her best to sound brave and strong and apologizing for coming unglued.  I let that sink in for a moment....more