5 Things to Avoid Saying to A New Widow

"No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear." -- C. S. Lewis, "A Grief Observed"Death is a topic that can clear out a room of even the most kindhearted people. Just mention any of the following words -- passing, mortality, funeral, burial, death -- and people get nervous. Very few individuals are comfortable with holding an honest conversation about death, and even fewer know what to say to a new widow....more
KristinMeekhof but just to add, my language is far more explicit!more

The One Kindest Thing to Say to a Widow

There she is in the supermarket aisle, the park, ball field, event, sidewalk, work station, lunch room, church pew, exercise class, gas station. There she is.Thick as smoke, the air is filled with trepidation, an unknowingness of 'what to say to her'.Will she cry if you say something right or wrong? MaybeWill she remember you? MaybeWill she go into a long story about 'him' at a time you don't have the time to listen, yet will feel 100% obligated? MaybeWill this become a moment to do the kindest and most meaningful gesture in the face of your day? Maybe...more
Spot on and beautifully written, Carolyn.more

Modern Widows Club: Doing Widowhood Better, not Bitter

Holiday Tip for CopingOne sure sign of healing is when you let go of the bitterness #widows It becomes a new chapter along this #grief journey. ...more
Well said, Carolyn. As a widow for a full year now, I learned early on in our cancer journey to ...more

No Really...How ARE You?

I had an interesting therapy appointment last week (of course, I find all of my therapy sessions interesting because my craziness always entertains me). I walked in feeling pretty damn good.  It was a beautiful day outside and I'd just finished a walk with my oldest daughter, around our little main street and to a local frozen yogurt place where we sat outside and looked at the butterflies.  It wasn't too hot, wasn't too cold, and so by the time I dropped her off at home and headed to my counselor's office...I really had no complaints. ...more

Everything Happens for a Reason

I would say that of all the things most widows hate to hear, "everything happens for a reason" has to rank somewhere in the top five - somewhere in between "I know how you feel because I remember how sad I was when my dog died" and "when are you going to get over this." In fact, I would venture to guess that most people going through a difficult time, no matter what it is, really don't like hearing it.  Which makes me wonder why we say it or even why we think it. ...more

Evolution of the Heart

The grieving process; its like trying to make water do what you want it to. It's all over the place is it's liquid state. Like an ocean wave or a babbling brook, we can look at it, touch it, but in the end, it all just seem to run through our fingers when we try to make it do what we want it to do. Grief and Water; The fascinating thing about them both is their miraculous ability to change forms. Some times through the changes, beautiful ice sculptures or amazing cloud formations are born....more

I'm not a Throw-away!

Well, I am an empty nester for awhile now, and about 6 years ago I also became a Widow.I thought becoming an empty nester would be life with my partner and now we can stop sacrificing so much for our kids sake and spend a little one on one, with each other!  That didn't work out to good....more

The Sisterhood of the Sacred Women Tribe

Welp.  The sun came out Saturday for a while.  We were able to wear shorts and flip flops.  The Kentucky muthas were here, and we conducted sacred patio meetings while the sun’s healing energies swirled around us.  Good times, folks.If your ears were burning, it’s because we were talking about you.  If it’s a problem that affects the Sisterhood of the Sacred Women tribe, then you better believe it is important to us and we are hell bent on fixing it....more

Cest la vie


Divorce is Like Death, and Other Sayings That Make Me Punch You

I think at some point we’ve all heard the phrase, “Divorce is like death.”  I probably have stupidly even uttered this phrase, at some point in my life.  However, you may have noticed there aren’t a whole lot of bereaved people standing around at funerals going, “It’s ok, this is just like a divorce.”  I understand that there is sadness and even trauma associated with a marriage ending, a family being torn apart, etc.  Part of your life does ‘die.’  But let’s get real here, people.  Because if another one of you going through a divorce exclaims to me that you w...more