Day 2 or Day 366?

We returned home yesterday.  I always hate leaving the beach.  I feel as though I leave a part of my soul there.  I watch my boys, how they love the water, how they instantly relax in the ocean, and it feels good knowing we are creating memories of a beautiful summer.  We have been so happy this summer.  We have stayed busy.  We haven’t had many boring days at all.  Just love.  A lot of damn love.  I’m not kidding.  I’m so proud of these kids.  These kids who have grown up too fast.  These kids who have had to process way too m...more

D-Day

D-Day I couldn’t do it.  I can’t post the note.  I wrote it and timed it to post at 5:08, and then my top advisors told me “no the fuck way.”  Various reasons.  It’s too personal, it’s not right, it’s between us, save it for the book.  I love my friends, I’ve been friends with some of these muthas since the tender age of 5, and I respect that right ...more

A Widow's Point of View, Part II

A few more things my friend wished to share.  Some of these I knew to do, others never crossed my mind.  I admire her strength and her willingness to share what she's learned during this difficult time.1.  If you have a safety deposit box, where is the key?2.  Take index cards and notate what goes to whom around the house.  Include a picture.3.  Make sure your living will is on file with both your doctor and your local hospital....more

A Widow's Point of View

This post is written to reflect the thoughts and feelings of a dear friend who was recently widowed.  The statements are hers with some minor editing on my part.  Not every sentiment expressed applies to every widow or widower or to every situation, but they are all reasons to stop and think. She began her message to me with the words:  "What NOT to do when a friend loses a spouse."1.  Don't start out by asking how he died and especially not where he died....more

Mommy darling is in charge of kids and ghosts

How in the hell am I going to survive summer?  I just keep asking myself this, over and over, and I still have no answer.  Right now, we are mildly sane because my two big kids are in school, and the baby goes 3 days a week.  In summer, I will not get a break, and I’m fucking freaking out, ya hurd me?...more

Seriously This Really Happened

Life can be so great.  Sometimes I'm convinced that God is trying to hand me my ass on a platter.  This is a true story.  Zero embellishment, simply because none is required....more

ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE: Focusing on the good

"Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it." ~William Arthur WardIt doesn't take much for me to rise above; a little encouragement, a little grace, a strong hug.It doesn't take much for me to get knocked down either; running myself ragged, negative interactions, unforeseen mishaps.  When I'm in this place, I need to meditate on the good.  Thankfully, I don't need to look far into my past, or present, to find something to be grateful for....more

A Rough Day

I didn't post yesterday due to attending a memorial service.  Without a doubt, the worst part of aging is the ever increasing number of deaths, loss of friends, and funerals to attend....more
I agree that words fall short.  Sometimes silence is more healing, along with the hugs and ...more

Saying goodbye to maternity clothes

I always knew I would love being pregnant.  Unlike most third trimester women, I wanted to keep my baby right where she was; in my womb, kicking at me from within my body, making my tummy dance, and putting on quite the show.I was in no hurry to release her.  I was in too much awe and wonderment at the life I could cuddle and hug, who could not yet run away, out of the reach of my arms....more

New Labels: Widow, Single Parent

When a spouse dies and you have children two things happen at once. You become a widow(er), and a single parent. Simultaneously.Overnight I adopted new labels. One moment I was married. The next I was not only widowed, but the sole care provider for our daughter.What do these new labels mean? Do they mean anything at all? I would say it depends on the day. If I am missing my husband, my friend, I feel quite widowed. Other days I accept that he is gone and I embrace that I am single. Single-with-experience....more
I hate the word widow.  That one word makes me feel so powerless.  I hate the single status too ...more