Unsettled – a journal entry of insomnia from the not-too-distant-past

I feel restless today. Why am I so anxious?I write, I clean, I organize.  I’ve reached a new plateau.  It took me weeks, actually months, to organize some bills.  I couldn’t see how to process the piles of papers.  For the first time in over a month my accomplishment was more than writing.I’ve done a lot today.  More than I’ve been able to do in weeks, but I’m unsatisfied....more

There's no connection like a widow connection


I Love You Always. Always. Always. Always. Happy 6th Anniversary My Angel.

Karie, your posts are always so eloquent.  I have no idea what it is to live what you've been ...more




Breathe in.  Breathe out.  Breathe in.  Breathe out.God, where are you?  I miss feeling you.  Knowing you are there.  But I fear those feelings were just my own imagination creating a false illusion of being connected to you.  If I can not find you in a song, or a speech, or a story of your miracles, how can I find you?Breathe in.  Breathe out.  Breathe in.  Breathe out....more

Tears from the sky

Nine weeks ago I drove to my first bereavement group session.  It was pouring rain.  Rain came down harder than I think I’ve ever seen it do before.   Wet drops pummeled my car and I knew I would be drenched the moment I got out of my car and ran for the door.  I’d almost say it was foreshadowing of what lay ahead.  I didn’t realize what was bottled up inside of me until I entered this group....more

“I will love the block person.” – Neil

The following is a recording for me from my husband, Neil.  He recorded this in April of 2010.  This was recorded one day after his sister died.  Neil died eleven months later.I’m glad he took the time to do this recording, because it is very special to hear these words directly from him, and to know this recording will be a treasured keepsake to share with our daughter as she grows up.If you do watch the attached video recording I apologize in advance for our noisy little girl, whose voice is often in the foreground....more

Ask me a question

 The tag line for Good Grief Guru is “Journey with us”, and so I want to take a moment to invite you to ask me any questions you might have that are relevant to this site.  Email me at comments(@)goodgriefguru.com and I will do my best to answer your questions.I recognize that although I am on a grief journey, each individual’s journey will be unique so I can only speak from my own perspective and circumstances....more

Day 1: Creation – the darkness and the light

When I look back over my life I recognize I have utilized many resources for different seasons.  Friends, counselors, family, pastors, psychologists, naturopaths, nutritionists, authors…all, in my experience, have held a key to wellness.  The best word to describe the unity of these individuals in my life is “Teachers.”The following is a lesson taken from a recent visit to one of my many life teachers: a psychologist who is also a retired pastor....more

a year ago today: my birthday

You may be surprised to find that we’re not all perfect.  Hard to believe I know, but it’s true.  Throughout this blog you will find many defects.  Typos, grammatical errors, glaring character flaws…every day things like that.  As I write about these flaws you may find that the scales tip often to my husband’s side.  You should know as you read these that I am vastly aware of my own flaws, and continually learning about new ones.  You will surely hear about my own in due time.  Just not tonight....more
Thank you Victorias. You are so right. Thank you for your support. I hope you keep reading. ...more