When Being Widowed is a Relief

In the seminars I used to give about financial intimacy in marriage, some women confessed to social taboos they had never even shared with their friends. These taboos serve as protective fictions which allow relationships to function.For example, one woman said” the nicest thing my husband did for me was die and save me the trouble of divorcing him.” Or the caregiver wife who admitted ‘he’s taking too long to die”. I remember also the financially abused wives who paid for the seminar in cash because they were afraid to write a check or put the seminar cost on their credit cards....more

No Really...How ARE You?

I had an interesting therapy appointment last week (of course, I find all of my therapy sessions interesting because my craziness always entertains me). I walked in feeling pretty damn good.  It was a beautiful day outside and I'd just finished a walk with my oldest daughter, around our little main street and to a local frozen yogurt place where we sat outside and looked at the butterflies.  It wasn't too hot, wasn't too cold, and so by the time I dropped her off at home and headed to my counselor's office...I really had no complaints. ...more

Everything Happens for a Reason

I would say that of all the things most widows hate to hear, "everything happens for a reason" has to rank somewhere in the top five - somewhere in between "I know how you feel because I remember how sad I was when my dog died" and "when are you going to get over this." In fact, I would venture to guess that most people going through a difficult time, no matter what it is, really don't like hearing it.  Which makes me wonder why we say it or even why we think it. ...more

Daydreaming of Him

 Daydreaming of my late husband and musings on my marital rings....more
Hello there, Mrs TDJ! So happy to find you tonight, my fellow Marylander. I found you on the ...more

Bag Lady Fears

Bag lady - a term used to describe a homeless woman who walks around the streets of a city carrying her possessions in a bag. This is still a real and persistent fear of even the most successful women like Katie Couric, Gloria Steinem and Lily Tomlin....more

Widowhood and Divorce are Biggest Stressors

You may have suspected it. The SRRS confirms it. Stress correlates directly and measurably with the chance of getting sick. Developed by Dr. Thomas Holmes at the University of Washington State Medical School, the Social Readjustment Rating Scale (SRRS) assigns rankings to life changing events. Death of a spouse and divorce rank at the top of the list. Combined with the other factors on the chart that are natural companions to widowhood, the combined score of a widow catapults off the charts. ...more

Divorce & Widowhood Biggest Health Stressors

You may have suspected it. The SRRS confirms it. Stress correlates directly and measurably with the chance of getting sick. Developed by Dr. Thomas Holmes at the University of Washington State Medical School, the Social Readjustment Rating Scale (SRRS) assigns rankings to life changing events. Death of a spouse and divorce rank at the top of the list.  http://okvoices.org/stress.htmlCombined with the other factors on the chart that are natural companions to widowhood, the combined score of a widow catapults off the charts. ...more

Real Men Face Their Mortality

The following is an excerpt from the special chapter for husbands in my book "Don't Worry about a Thing, Dear"- Why Women Need Financial Intimacy. If your husband reads nothing else in the book, he needs to read the following:...more

April 10, 2011: Where Has the Time Gone?

Where is the time going?  It seems as though it simply slips through my fingers and the next thing my children are grown and I am 56 and I wonder how on earth did this happen? It was only yesterday I was a student in nursing school with four children and a husband.  I went to school, managed the kid’s schedules, came home and made dinner for six every night, got the kids washed, homeworked and into bed and then studied myself....more

Twelve Years Later: How Widowhood Really Feels

by Michele BuchananI remember everything, or at least the things that matter. I remember every pore of his skin, the encysted bump he had on the back of his head, the way he looked like a droll rabbi when he steepled his fingers. I remember the smell of his skin. I remember the lopsided grin he’d get, so wolfish and calculating and triumphant, when he’d won an argument....more