Friendships {True Friendships are Hard to come by}

Some time ago, I told all fo you about some friends that I've had for the past five years. I met through a friend that I've known for many years. And he's ten years older that I am!

I have always been a low key, blase`, simple person. Never over the top, never had to be the center of the show. Nor did I have to be the prettiest in the room. Most of the time, I tried my best to not be in the room at all. The only thing that I wanted was to be smart. Then I turned Twenty. I was still the same way, but I developed a crush. On this friend that is ten years older than I am. I mean, A Serious Crush on him! Now that I look back on it, It was seriously embarassing.  I thought that he was so great. And he is a good guy. He'll do whatever he can to help you. But, I thought that I could compete with the women that he knew. I thought that I could compete with them and show him a different type of female.  A person, that is just different. Not better. I wanted him to see his options. But, I was just jacked up, in every way!

I thought that I had it all figured out. But, I was wrong. Turns out, I had nothing figured out. These women, are also ten years older than me. They all have got experience that I couldn't begin to imgine. Let alone, relate to. So, I had to back away. Now, that I am completely out of the picture, I see everything so clearly. I couldn't even have these guys as friends. Because women that they were associated with, didn't like me. And some, even went as far as to think that the guys liked me. But, I knew that I wasn't anyone's type. You see, sometimes we try to play a hand, when we're not even suppose to be at the table. Let alone, in the game. So, I had to learn that. I went through some embarassment and I now know that some of that, was my fault. I should've walked away along time ago. I told him that I had a crush on him, that was mistake Numbero Uno!

I shouldn't have opened my big mouth and admit anything. But, what's done is done. There's nothing that I can do about it now. The only thing that I can do now, is learn and move on. Which is exactly what I am doing. 

I am writing this, because true friendships can withstand tests. But, others can't. I made a lot of weird and stupid choices. And I am humiliated about them. But, I made them and I own up to that. And won't make them again. I have always been alone. Without friendships, more then most of the time. Lonely, too. But, now thanks to BlogHer, I have newfound friendships. Friendships that I excited about building in the years up ahead of us. I look forward to meeting people and seeing new things. 

I understand that sometimes, we've got to go through uncomfortable moments, in order to get to our better times. And I know that better times are ahead. I made these decisions about them, this past year. New Year, New Attitude. I am truly excited. Sometimes, as Madea said in a play, 'There are seasonal people and there are people that are supposed to be our roots. A tree only needs three or four roots, in order to stay grounded and growing. And some people are like limbs. Those are longer friendships. But, those people that are leaves, are just seasonal. They are there for a while and then they leave. Sometimes, we try to hang on to seasonal people. But, they were only there for a season.'

That's exactly what I"ve experienced here. These people were seasonal. I was not supposed to hang on to their friendships. I will be cordial and I be respectful. I amde some great friends and I hope that for some, those friendships can continue to flourish. And I think that they will. But, for others, you've got to learn to let go. Kenny Rodgers said it best, "You've got to know when to hold 'em, Know when to fold 'em!" 

But, if I may, I would like to repeat one thing that I heard earlier. Sometimes, you've just got to understand how not to go to the table. 

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