Further Proof That I Should Have Been Born A Man

My thoughts on showersChristmas cards and thank-you notes are well-documented in my blog. For these reasons alone my lady card should be revoked. But I am about to slay another beast plaguing lady land: the pyramid scheme party. Oh sure, you can polish it up however you want. Makeup Party. Tupperware Party. Jewelry Party. Purse Party. But to borrow a phrase from my husband, you can't polish a turd. 

 
I debated writing this blog for a long time, because women I know and care about have thrown these parties and invited me to them. I have no beef with them as human beings and still love them dearly. But I can't stomach these parties. If you want to sell stuff, open a store. Don't market your business as a fun party where we can eat food and look at cool stuff that we might want to buy, but "No Pressure!" In woman language "No Pressure!" means I am passive aggressively guilting you into something you don't want to do.  In fact, I'd actually like to shake the hand of whoever invented these types of businesses, because they knew the power of female friendships and the guilt, passive-aggression, and peer pressure that swirls around most of them. Women pressure their friends to "host" these parties with promises of discounts and whatnot.  Then the women who are guilted into attending are pressured into making actual purchases because, "Our hostess Jane will get a free loofah if five people buy these bedazzled handbags!"

Newsflash: EVERYONE HATES THESE PARTIES and only a tiny fraction of the human population attends them of their own free will. Now you might be thinking, "But my party is different!" Wrong. Your friends showed up and bought crap they don't need because they didn't want to feel guilty and lose sleep at night. 
 
Second Newsflash: When you have nothing to do with someone for a few years, then decide you want to "reconnect" by inviting them to your pyramid scheme party, they MIGHT JUST find that offensive. Oh, I didn't really matter to you before, but now that you realized my money is as green as everyone else's, we're besties again? Some ladies even take it a step further and extend a direct invitation into their pyramid scheme but disguise it as a "Let's catch up, Girlfriend!" lunch. Come on, girls. We can do better than this. If no one threw these parties, these businesses would cease to exist. So while I consider it a victory that this post probably guarantees I will never be invited to one of these things again, I think it would be an even bigger win if we joined forces and made them as extinct as Mr. Belding's hairline.

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