Get Out Of My Dreams!!!

Seriously, it isn't enough that he is in my every waking moment, but now taking over my dreams! The little sleep that I do get, why do I still have to be thinking about HIM. I mean, today I was trying to sleep before work, and next thing I know he walked in the door and told me he brought me pizza!!! I got right up to scream at him, but he wasn't here... It was so real though! I didn't even realize I woke up from a dream :'( I wish he would have never left. I'm so lost without him. I still can't sleep, still can't eat, I'm literally getting dillusional. I keep writing down the wrong numbers at work, can barely finish a though (unless I'm ranting about him) this is getting ridiculous. Today I made up my mind... I am going to at least start seriously looking into a divorce. He obviously doesn't care about me. I think he made that crystal clear by leaving and not even getting a hold of me. No f*** you note or anything. SOMETHING would have been better to the nothingness I have been left with. I've been staying at work late, because there is nothing to come home to. I mean, I have my kids, but I don't get out of work until midnight, so they are sleeping. That was "our" time when I got home. I am proud of myself, I actually was laughing today. I haven't laughed since he left. I have awesome support from the people I work with, and today they got through a little to me. They don't exactly know how hard I've been taking this, but they could definitely tell something was wrong. I feel stupid telling them that he just left me, without saying goodbye or a reason why. I am happy to still have some pride. Today, I told some of the people I'm closer with the whole story, and I didn't cry! I haven't cried that much, unless I'm alone. But I think I'm doing better than what I thought I would be. I know this is an up day though, and I'm sure there will be more down days. I'm just going to have to take this one day at a time. 

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