Get Off The Phone, Soccer Parents

I am kind of surprised by all the comments and how negative they are. I am a coach and have coached at many different levels. I don't expect parents to stay at practices, they aren't allowed at our high school practices.

As a lover of sports, I am always excited to watch my child grow to love/hate a sport. Its part of it. Just like I love watching the kids I coach to grow to love the sport.

I agree to some respect that 8 may be a little old to be at every practice, but not unheard of.

I do have issues with parents that think they coach better than me too. I have the experience and the knowledge to coach and generally they don't.

If you are going to sit at practice then you should be watching. If you aren't going to watch, then go sit in your car or a coffee shop and come back later after practice.

It is a matter of opinion, but your kid still looks over at you at practice and sees you checking your phone instead of watching them. It is still discouraging.

The harsh judgmental tone and the name calling diminish you, your credibility as well as any point you were trying to make. It also comes across as a tad self-aggrandizing. In order to feel good about our parenting choices it is not mandatory that some other parents be made out to be jerks for choosing differently. I’m pretty sure they love their kids too, just like you so obviously do. Setting down your phone and watching the children practice was an excellent choice for you and you truly enjoyed it, and you conveyed that experience beautifully. Enough said. Sometimes it's better to take a deep breath and wait until you are not so emotional before you hit that publish button. <3

However, if you ask my kids, they will tell you...I'm at EVERY play, recital, game, school function, etc. I am their biggest cheerleader. They don't need cheerleaders at practice.

And most likely I'm emailing my sons class as the class mom, or the band teacher about uniforms, or a myriad of other things that I need to take care of every day for my kids.

I just thinking calling people names negates your whole argument. I was actually sort of agreeing with you until that point.

mamalang

*shrug* As a mom of four, I've sat through countless practices for five different sports. Not only do I text, I've actually - gasp! - left and went to the grocery store! And I'm one of only a handful who actually does usually stay around for the practice.
For games, I'm totally present, but I feel no desire nor obligation to keep my eyes glued to my kids for every practice.

I agree in principle, that we should pay attention to kids over electronics. :-)

However, while I attend games, I generally don't stay for practice -- I drop and go.

And frequently, if I am using my phone, I'm taking pictures and posting them to Facebook and Twitter. So I wouldn't classify all of the electronics use as not paying attention, either.

Kathleen

http://www.technoearthmama.com

Ideally sure, but my children have practice four miles away and across major roads in a high traffic area. I have to take them to practice. Riding bikes isn't really an option for them.

That - and because I like to support my kids - is why I am at practice.

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Parenting is a long, long ride and there is no right way to do it. With three children (now teens) of my own, I have learned to let go of judging other parents, and focus on my own parenting. Just when you start congratulating yourself that you are doing everything right, your kids will prove you wrong!

I think you will find that most parents are just doing the best they can by trying to be good parents, keeping their marriages alive, their jobs intact, all while trying to stay relatively sane!

There will always be annoying people, and parents are no exception! Focus on the good, and let the rest go.

I kind of feel that terms like "jerk" should be reserved for people who try to kill you on the freeway while texting or interrupt the soccer practice by interjecting their own coaching. Sitting there and not paying attention to drills, not so much. I think this is sort of classic helicopter parenting. It's the whole, "My kid is the center of the universe and I can't miss one moment of his amazing, extra-special life."

I'm sure your kid and those other kids are amazing. But maybe those other parents just wanted to get in some time for themselves while they could. Like me -- I'm currently blowing off my daughter who's bugging me to play Go Fish. I guess that makes me a jerk.

Tammy blogs about her super-exciting, highly controversial life on the cul-de-sac at Partly Sunny, Chance of Rain ( http://www.partlysunnyblog.com ). She also edits World's Worst Moms ( http://www.worldsworstmoms.com ), where good moms go to tell their best "bad mom" stories.

I'm not clear if you were at practice or at a game. At a game, I would expect parents to be watching the game. I totally agree.

But practice? That's a different story. I've sat through countless practices already and frankly, I agree that I really don't need to be there. I want my kids to be paying attention to the coach, not me. If I have to stay, I will. But I prefer not to so if I'm there, yeah, I'm reading a book, talking to a parent, looking at my phone, anything but paying attention.

I agree with someone else about it being different now. When I was a kid, by 8 I was riding my bike to practice on my own and getting home on my own. My mom was never there. But now parents are expected sometimes to sit through the whole thing. It's a little ridiculous.

At 8 years old, why are you all at practice? Why were you looking at the parents to discipline the child? During practice that is the job of the coaches.

Having parents hang out at practice interferes with coaching. One reason is just what you described people expect the parent not the coach to discipline. The other is parents frequently contradict the coach.

Ideally at 8 the kids should be riding their bikes or walking to practice on their own. Think of all the greenhouse gases you wouldn't be putting in the air.

Games are a different matter.

I'll just weigh in from my unknowledgeable perspective anyway :)

I was, however, a kid. Many years ago...and I think things have changed for parents. 30 years ago kids got themselves to their local practice, and it wasn't the norm or required for every kid to have a parent there the whole time at every practice. There are just a whole lot more expectations on parents and their time and someone being there ALL THE TIME. (I observe this from my siblings and their kids.)

So, I feel a little more forgiving of these parents. they're going to go to practice after practice. I don't know what parents used to do while their kids were off at practices or on unsupervised "playdates" (which really mean just running around or riding your bike a few blocks over) but I'm guessing parents on their phones are just trying to grab a little of that. Talk to their friends. Talk to their mom or sister. Stuff like that.

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Thanks for this post! I see this all the time too, at gymnastics and worst of all - at the the rink!

Although I've been guilty of the occasional text, watching the learning take place - or the non-learning (my 5 year old daughter picked flowers all through her soccer practices last summer) is really priceless.

Cheers. M

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