Getting my (increasingly larger) ass in gear.

So I took a vacation in the beginning of June to Mexico. It was
delightful. I worked for 5 months to be bathing suite ready. I then
proceeded to eat and drink my weight in guacamole, carne asada and
beer. Nice. But, hell man, it was a good time. Only I’m still acting
like I’m on vacation…

I had recently sung the praises of reducing our level of caring about what the scale says.
However, my clothes are tell me what the scale would otherwise say. I
am starting to feel like a major slack ass. I have not moved since
June. Here’s the problem though: I am horrifically lazy. I like sitting
on my ass, knitting and watching the Fine Living Network. All at the
same time and preferably with a glass of wine in front of me. Do you
see how this may become a problem?

I also waffle between wanting to look better (really, we’re talking
5 to 10 pounds here people) and really loving my lazy lifestyle. Plus,
I get board really easily. I want exercise for lazy people. Here’s my
fool-proof plan:

  • Gentle yoga – Oh yeah, yoga for lazy people! Mind
    and body are happy and I’m not moving in ways that my long limbed bosy
    is meant to move. As you know, I’m horrible at yoga. But, if I can do yoga sitting down, my chances of falling over are very slim. Score!
  • Interval training – I want to kiss whoever
    invented this concept full on the mouth. It’s genius. It covers us lazy
    people and those of us with the attention span of a gnat. Essentially,
    you exercise with everything you have for 30 seconds and then rest for
    a minute. Lather, rinse, repeat. For like 15 minutes or so then you’re
    DONE! I love this. I can sprint on the treadmill and then just stand
    there. Rock and roll. It is supposed to burn killer calories, melt fat
    off your body and you’re really only exercising for 10 minutes. This is
    good as it will take me 3 hours to burn 200 calories doing lazy yoga.
  • Portable stationary bike – Did you know they have
    these do-hickey (actual name. not really.) that you can put on the back
    tires of your bike and turn it into a stationary bike anywhere? Hell
    yeah. This means that I can put that bad boy right in my living room
    once a week and pedal and pedal while watching something ironic like
    Food Network!
  • Swimming – This actually exerts a lot of energy
    and really goes against my concept of lazy exercise. But, I can call it
    multitasking. I will also be working on my tan. And really, it’s Africa
    hot out there. What else am I going to do.

That’s it. That outta do. I am open to any other suggestions you may
have on how I can burn calories and still be lazy. Just give me a
minute because I need to get a glass of wine before you tell me.

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