Getting Off Online

Women of all age groups and situations are flocking to online dating.  My sixty + year-old aunt found my uncle five years ago online.  (side-note  The site she met him on does not exist anymore Singlesnet.com)  Two other acquaintances of mine say that online dating is  fun.  They swear by it.  My uncle says that online dating is better because you can do a background check prior to the meeting.

 

So I ask myself, Is this what its come to?  Can I not meet someone in a grocery store, at church, work, or Target?  OK.  Being back in the game (it really is just that a GAME) lead me to try.  I signed up for the following:

 

E-Harmony

Tagged

Black People Meet

Christian Mingle

 

This is where we get on.

 

E-Harmony

This site promises to find the perfect match based on a scientific algorithm.  You answer a series of questions.  Honestly it took forty-five minutes to answer the series.  But I trudged through.  If my match answers these questions too, he at least is patient and serious about finding someone.  The questions did not ask what I liked or wanted, but focused completely on what type of person I am.  What were my interests, goals, and dreams?  In hindsight, E-Harmony was a better date then last weeks.  But it too disappointed.  At the end of our date, E-Harmony declared, “We’re sorry.  We will need a little more time to find your perfect match.  Our basic membership costs…..” Translation- um you’re just way to complicated and here’s the bill.

 

Tagged

Tagged was simpler to sign up for.    You just put in your basic info, screen name, city, and interests (men, between 42-49, Christian).   This site even allows you to purchase people as pets.  Within minutes someone purchased me for $109,456.00.  Your value increases based on the amount of hits your profile yields.  After entering your basic info, the next step is choosing your matches.  Call me shallow but I looked at the profile picture, then the statements.    Gold teeth, beer bottles, and wife beater T-shirts do not impress me. 

 

The third profile picture that came up is the husband of one of my friends.  I took a second look.  Surely this guy is not on Tagged.  How dare he invade the integrity of this site.  It’s for singles, Right?  He’s married.  Surely he knows this is inappropriate.  Call me self-centered but my next thought was “oh Lord what will he tell others about me, when he sees my profile.” When we see each other at church fellowships how awkward will it be…Never-mind that, what or should I tell his wife. (The thing about this site is you can see everyone who looks at your profile.)  Not a good start.

 

A few nights later, I was messaging a guy when I received an instant message from a lady.  My first thought, “Oh snap whose husband am I talking to, and will she believe my innocence?”   The conversation went like this:

 

Her:  Hello, may I ask you a question?

Me: Yes.  How are you today?

Her:  I’m good.  Do you like to be in control?

Me: Um, when I have to be I’m good with it.

Her: Would you like to be a dominatrix?

Me: Hunh (typed) What the ….. (in my mind)

Her: I am a dominion and I am looking for employees in your area.  There is a market for women like me and you.

Me: (a little scared) No mam.  I don’t want to control or dominate the man I’m blessed with.  Thank you though.

Her: Do you like foot massages?

Me: Delete

 

Reason one to go off Online.

 I’ll keep you posted on the others. 

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