Getting Through Life

April 20th

Wow!  Life has been tough this month.  "They" say the world will end this December but if my world makes it through May it will be a small miracle.

My dad is still with us.  Every day he's a little slower and a little more confused.  Poor guy.  Some days I really miss my dad.  I love this little old man dearly but...

My eldest daughter is trying to get custody of her two youngest daughters. They will be in the US to visit in May.  Her oldest daughter, who has left home and goes to college, is bringing them over.  She wants her mom to keep them; she says they want to stay but are afraid of their grandparents (who they live with now).  My daughter already has one daughter living with her and would love to have the other two but she also is a little afraid of her ex in-laws.  She also doesn't know how she will provide for herself and three daughters.  I told her they could live with us if she can't make it on her own.  I am nervous for her but excited to have my granddaughters closer.

My next daughter is juggling full time school, and a part time job that turned into a full time job along with her three children and a husband.  They decided to divorce but life keeps getting in the way; a friend just died and they are involved with the funeral.  I understand in a way; they've lived together without love so long that there seems to be no hurry but I think it may be hurting the kids because there is a lot of fighting when they are in the house at the same time.  The middle child is having behavior problems at school and I think it is because of the behavioral problems of his parents at home.

My youngest daughter got the news that her thyroid cancer is back.  The cancer has also attached itself to a lymph node (not in it, which the dr. said is good).  She goes into surgery next month to have the rest of her thyroid removed plus the other spot.  She will be in the hospital a couple of days this time.  After her hormones are depleted she will get the iodine treatment.  She will be missing quite a bit of work and they just got a bigger apartment.  In fact their moving in day is the day of her surgery.  Her paternal grandmother died of cancer and that always is in the back of her mind (and mine).  It is so hard to stay positive for her when I'm scared myself.

Anyway, I am just sick to my stomach most of the time.  And close to tears all the time.  I was hoping that writing all this down would make me feel better but it's not.  Life sucks right now.

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