Give It to Me... HARDER!!!

BlogHer Original Post

Are you vocal in bed?

Do you make your pleasure known by grunts, groans, moans, screams, or other means?

I was listening to two people have sex this morning and this came to me. Don’t ask-- listening to people have sex actually turns me on more than watching them. I thought about how sex is enhanced by things like sights, smells, and sounds. Touch and taste are easy and that’s what sex is usually all about. I think we undervalue the "S"-type senses though. We should all strive for a more holistic sexual experience because there are so many untapped erogenous zones.

A while back, I asked people on Twitter if they consider themselves to be loud in bed.

Some responses:

“Loud sex is even better when u r tryin to be quiet but clearly failing..”

“Yes. It adds to the fun. I am very vocal.”

“Yes very. But I love when a guy orders me to be quiet…”

“I’m a growler, I swear and pray at the same time.” (a woman)

I then asked “Who is more vocal: men or women?


Image: Tambako via Flickr

Overwhelmingly, people say women are more vocal, for various reasons. Some responses:

“Seems like men dont wanna be the one to admit they’ve had their toes curled and screamed 'like a girl'”

“A friend of mine once knew this guy who yelped a lot…it didnt last.”

“I’m very vocal to the point that I *made* him more vocal than he ever was before”

“Its hard to make noise when someone is choking u and telling u “take this dick!”

“I think men see being vocal as a sign of his ability to please her.”

I also asked, "Can women and men be too vocal?"

“I’m really satisfied with the occasional “shit” “damn” “fuck” or “be quiet“” (woman, about men)

“Studies say women are more vocal to elicit more reaction from men.”

“When I shared an apartment in college I liked to keep the noise down…didn’t want the Girlfriend to be self conscious”

“In apartments and hotels, quiet is better. I don’t like everyone knowing my business.”

“I don’t like men who constantly talk anyway”

“Don’t exaggerate [anything]. Don’t try to be louder than you are. I want to know what the real deal is” (a man)

“Brothas need to be worried when I become silent. Something’s wrong if I’m quiet.”

I have been told that I am rather vocal. People ought to seek connections on all levels, especially in bed, and I believe some vocal expression is necessary. I want to know how you are feeling and I want you to know how I am feeling. I think being vocal lets your partner know, in no uncertain terms, that things are going well. If you’re silent, you leave your partner guessing.

I encourage men to become more vocally expressive because women want feedback too. We’d like to know if we’re pleasing you as well. Sometimes, you might be focused on what you’re doing and be unable to form an intelligent thought, but “Fuck yeah” or “Damn baby, do that shit!” works. I’m just saying… can we get something? (Note: not everyone appreciates vulgar language, so supplement whatever word works for that person).

Lastly, don’t be overly vocal to the point where it seems contrived. You don’t want to fake it. Let the thrusts, strokes, pumps, slaps, pulls,etc. be what elicits the response from you. Let it be natural, but don’t hold back. Let your partner know that s/he is handling business.

What are your thoughts? Are YOU vocal? Any crazy experiences with men/women being “vocal”? What are the top things screamed/spoken during sex?

(Why do people call on God so much??)

Feminista Jones is the Love & Sex section editor at She blogs at Feminista Jones.


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