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January and February are the months when everyone’s resolutions are to go on a diet, get your finances back on track, and figure out if you’re in the right job (well, maybe not this year). Those are well and good, but how about making January and February a time when you give your sex life a tune up?
Here’s the deal, with all the tools and resources on the way, there’s reason not to explore ideas, techniques and tools that could make your sex life so much better. In this post, and one to follow I’ll share resources that you can check out, as well as some ideas for how to focus your energy.
The first step is giving yourself that sexual tune-up is a diagnostic. What’s happening under the hood, ladies? Is the engine purring, or are those carburetors clogged? Take your measure and figure out where you want to focus for starters—then dive into these tips and resources. (Susan sez: Yeah, I know these metaphors are corny, but aren't they fun?)
By yourself
Let’s start with sisters doin’ it for themselves. 92% of all women in a recent study reported they masturbated regularly (up from 74% in 1979), so we know girls do it, but if you’re in a doing it more, enjoying it less situation, this is the moment to address it (I am NOT going to say take that problem in hand). After all, the first person you want to make sure you can have the best sex possible with, no matter what else is going on, is—you.
So, how can you make yourself be a better lover to yourself? Well, there are three areas you might think about addressing: Attitude, Environment and Technique.
The attitude thing is about giving yourself permission to care about your own pleasure instead of bemoaning someone else isn't there for you. Pepper Schwartz, who has written extensively on sexuality and relationships, describes many women as coming from a culture where “nice girls don’t touch themselves.”
If this is you, think about how you might let go of that and what the factors are (and keep reading). The goal is to get to a safe, secure place where you have the mindset, the skills, and the interest to let pleasure happen. One place to get some encourage is from Betty Dodson, a pioneer in the female masturbation movement, who has a new site and says “Our mission is to acknowledge and honor masturbation as the foundation for all of human sexuality.”
Environment is important because you want to feel, uh, comfortable. This is really about having a lock on your door, undisturbed time in the bedroom, bath, or wherever you want it, and being safe and secure. A lot of those tips for how to set the mood for sex for couples, are true for solos to—soft lighting, comfortable nest-like space, soft music—experiment and see what works for you.
And of course, the other key bit is your, uh, technique. If you need a refresher course, Cory Silverberg at sex.about.com has a guide to masturbation that is worth checking out (and won’t raunch you out). Cherry TV has a whole set of videos, available on YouTube, of women discussing female masturbation and describing using hands vs. toys (dildos, vibrators).
Reading blogs of unabashed pleasure sluts can be a learning experience: Curvaceous Dee, Always Aroused Girl and Tilda at Fuck: A Love Story, all have great, erotic posts that communicate great enthusiasm and zest.
And if you lack for fantasies, the erotic writing series edited by Rachael Kramer Bussel, Susie Bright, Violet Blue and Allison Tyler have LOTS to choose from—and can give you some thrills.
Oh, and did I forget to mention vibrators? (and other sex toys)
Whether you’re into them or not, there are all sorts of great spots on the web where you can get woman-written reviews of sex toys chosen by women for women. Just browsing some of these online catalogs could be your entertainment for the night, but even if you just cruise by quickly, there’s a lot to see. And you might decide to invest in something as a gift to yourself. Good Vibrations, BabeLand, and Smitten Kitten are among the growing number of female-owned,
