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Today I phoned a friend with whom I hadn't spoken for several years. Today I thought - what if she died and I hadn't called her? We have lived in different states for many years now, and had fallen out of touch. Many years ago I had a friend die with me still owing her a letter. It felt awful, knowing that I had missed a chance to tell her one last time that I loved her.
Why is this on my mind? There are two reasons.
Reason One: My last close living relative is 86. The days are getting shorter. I make sure I call her every day. We get together at least once a week. She has friends who help her shop, but she lives alone, is entirely "with it" and independent despite diabetes and a heart condition. Last night when I called her she started talking about some ways she wants things handled when she dies. It started to feel real. It's going to be sooner rather than later, even if she lives to 100. I started thinking up new ways to show my love to her, new things we could share in addition to our current adventures.
Reason Two: Mary Travers died. She was 72. The first thing I did after being shocked was that I subtracted my age from hers and came up with 12. The gap between me and 72 is getting smaller. Tickety Tick. Tockety tock.
OK I am almost 60 -- which is older than many of you -- most of you, in fact. But what I am about to say is for everyone, regardless of age.
Don't wait. When it comes to loving someone -- do not wait.
Life is short. Shorter for some. And living with the regret of unexpressed love or compassion is not a good idea.
Think for moment. Are there friends from whom you have been absent? It gets to be a cycle. You owe them a call. You feel bad about that. Then it feels so bad that you should have called, that you don't call out of embarrassment. That's how it had become with Teresa and me. Then today I called.
She was so happy to hear from me! Whoda thunk it? We laughed and got caught up in a hour long phone call full of the old warmth and friendship rhythms of before. As the minutes passed, time compressed and we found our way quickly back into the easy groove of our long friendship.
What contact or gesture are you delaying? Who would love an email from you? A call? A note? A surprise bouquet of flowers? Don't fret about whose turn it is to make contact. Just do it.
Renew. Go "green" and recycle your own friendship.
Think back to high school or college -- are there people from the past that you do not know how to find but would love to surprise? Is an old friend on classmates.com? I have been contacted by a few old classmates, and it felt wonderful! can you find an old friend on switchboard.com? On Facebook? MySpace?
It takes a community to get through life. The more dear ones, the merrier, the richer, the healthier. Besides, why feel guilty for a second longer? Pick up the phone -- or a pen -- or the keyboard -- and get back in touch.
Being remembered and remembering is real soul food. Cherishing a friendship, nurturing it, caring for it when it has gone dry -- all these are important ways to care for the relationships with which we have been entrusted.
Besides, it was so much pure fun to talk with Teresa again. Do it for the joy of reconnecting, for the sheer pleasure of hearing a familiar voice that is so happy you called.
Who can you contact this week?
Who needs to be told that you love them?
Who needs to hear that you've missed them?
Who needs an extra hug, just because?
"A Friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of Nature."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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