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Heather Durdil is a thirty something wife, mother, & photographer living in small town about 25 miles west of Cleveland, Ohio.When not answering q...
 
 
 
 

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Giving a Face to Fibromyalgia

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My name is Heather.

I am in constant pain.

The days in which I have been in pain far outweigh the ability of my brain to remember those days that I have not been in pain. For years I would wonder if I was slowly losing my mind to the pain.

This is me.

A Day in the Park

Most days anyways.

I won't let the fibromyalgia define me.

I can't let it win.

In some ways I think I have become a better person since the pain has started.

I smile more. I talk to strangers.

I want my interactions with people to be positive, something that would be a bright point in their day.

But there are days like today when its even a struggle for me to smile because the pain runs deep.

The days where I have to grit my teeth and push through the pain. No matter how deep the pain burns.

I hate these days.

I hate that I can't remember what it feels like to be completely pain free.

I hate knowing that one day my pain free days will be outnumbered by the pain filled ones.

I hate that there is no cure and that so many doctors don't recognize it as a problem.

Even though its "all in my head," I can't change that I have it no more than an asthmatic chooses to have asthma attacks.

I admit that when I am in severe pain and someone mentions to me that they have a "touch of fibromyalgia," it takes all that I have to not laugh in their face and mock their so-called pain.

I don't like the person I become when I am in this much pain.

She can be bitter and angry and short with her children.

She lets the pain consume her, and she sometimes stops the fight, letting the pain take over.

She isn't me.

So I fight and I get frustrated and people think I am angry.

All because I am waging this internal war with myself over something I can never control.

But still I fight, because she is worth fighting for.

Mishelle Lane - BlogHer10 - Friday Night Walk-16

Top photo credit my good friend Dawn
Bottom Photo: My good friend Mishelle Lane

Heather
Domestic Extraordinaire

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down-dog-amy 5 pts

I suffered a neck injury 5 years ago, and have dealt with chronic pain ever since. I also have degenerative arthritis in my knee and hands. So something pretty much hurts all of the time.
For years, I thought that surely there was something out there, some treatment I hadn't tried yet that would "cure" me. It's disheartening to know that the pain is never going to get better, but is guaranteed to eventually get worse.
I share my experience as well as some coping and self-care tips on my blog http://down-dog-amy.blogspot.com/

domesticextraordinaire 5 pts

I am unaware of any blood test that shows a doctor that you have fibromyalgia. I had blood work done, but mostly to rule out other things that are similar to fibromyalgia. (such as Lupus, RA, and thyroid problems)

Sorry I couldn't answer your question.

Heather 

Domestic Extraordinaire

domesticextraordinaire 5 pts

Thank you for reading & for the hugs.

Right back at you.

Heather 

Domestic Extraordinaire

Al_Pal 5 pts

Thanks for posting.

I have at least one friend "IRL" with Fibro, and have seen, just a bit, how tough it is. I have a bit of chronic pain from injuries, but nowhere near as bad as people with nerve disorders.

This is important stuff. Gentle hugs.

nhillukka 5 pts

I also have Fibromyalgia. Luckily, I have not had the pain that most people have. But, I have sluggishness and an extremely hard time losing weight. My blood tests showed very strongly that I have Fibromyalgia.
Out of curiousity, when you go to the Doctor for Fibromyalgia, does your Doctor send you to the lab for a hormone panel?
As an enrollee with Young Living Essential Oils, I went to their 2009 convention. Dr. Dan Purser who has greatly studied female problems was present. He had a lab in which 700 people had their blood drawn to study their endocrine system. The labs were sent to the Mayo and one other lab, I don't remember which. The results were that 695 of those people had Pituitary damage.
The point is there have been studies pointing to the possibility that Fibromyalgia can originate from Pituitary damage. When you get a hormone panel blood draw, do they test for Pituitary? A Pituitary Endocrinologist will test Pituitary. When my pituitary was tested, it was a zero.
I am interested to hear if others have experience with this.

domesticextraordinaire 5 pts

Dear sweet Jenna,

thank you so much for your support and kind words. I am so honored that you call me friend and so thankful that I can call you friend.

((Hugs))

xo

Heather 

Domestic Extraordinaire

domesticextraordinaire 5 pts

Katie, I would never know meeting you that you suffered with chronic pain as well. I am so sorry that this too is a reality for you as well.

I am glad that I am not alone in this fight, but oh how I wish I was.

((hugs))

Heather 

Domestic Extraordinaire

JennaHatfield 10 pts

I love your joy. Despite the pain, you are still an amazing woman. I wish more people would aspire to be as great as you are.

Much love, my friend.

Contributing Editor Jenna Hatfield (@FireMom ( http://twitter.com/FireMom )) blogs at Stop, Drop and Blog ( http://stopdropandblog.com ) and The Chronicles of Munchkin Land ( http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com ). She is a freelance writer and newspaper photographer.

Motherbumper 5 pts

Heather - I wish this wasn't the reality for you. I've had chronic pain since I was a child due to poor recovery from hip dysplasia, scoliosis, plus a back sprain in my teens that I never fully recovered from. I understand pain and while I don't know what fibromyalgia feels like, I understand the days where it's teeth gritting just to stay upright. I love this post because it helps others who suffer with the pain.

How I wish we couldn't relate on this level but it's so important to know that others out there get it.

domesticextraordinaire 5 pts

I am sorry that you have family members that suffer too.

I do not take coQ10, I will have to check it out...thanks for the tip!

Heather 

Domestic Extraordinaire

domesticextraordinaire 5 pts

Fibro is indeed mean. I am hopeful that one day no one will have to suffer with Fibro.

((hugs))

Heather 

Domestic Extraordinaire

domesticextraordinaire 5 pts

I am sorry that you also suffer with Fibro.

Heather 

Domestic Extraordinaire

domesticextraordinaire 5 pts

The mobility issues are so hard, especially when you try to push through the pain to keep on going.

It's so hard to not let it define who you are. You are worth fighting for. ((hugs))

Heather 

Domestic Extraordinaire

domesticextraordinaire 5 pts

I am truly sorry that you understand. ((hugs))

Heather 

Domestic Extraordinaire

IWantThursdays 5 pts

For sharing. My sister has fibromyalgia and my mother has some other issues and doctors had almost convinced her the pain was all in her head.

Have you tried coQ10? I only suggest that because my mother takes it because she is one of those people that statin drugs cause severe myalgia type pain (as in lowers her quality of life) and it has been working for her.

Keep your head held high. You are strong.

tara

More of me at: http://iwantthursdays.blogspot.com

domesticextraordinaire 5 pts

I hate that you are part of the club, gentle hugs to you as well (oh how I wish that I could explain to people how hugs are sometimes so painful, especially with the whacks on the back that most of the time accompany them.)

Know that you are not alone and if you ever need an ear, please feel free to shoot me a messsage!

Heather 

Domestic Extraordinaire

Wander 5 pts

I could've written this post. I wish there was some way to beat it. Unfortunately, we can't.
Just know...you're not alone in your misery!

I hope you feel awesome for the holidays!

Morgan Shanahan 6 pts

Hot damn did you hit the nail on the head with this post. I was diagnosed with Fibro seven years ago, and had a lovely break from it in pregnancy. Now, it's back in ten fold. It's hurts. Sometimes I can't think through the fog. But I smile, and I play with my daughter. And I SO feel you.

motherofconfusion 5 pts

I have RA and am learning to deal. Going for an MRI soon so they can look for more, or rule out, things like MS and ALS. Fibro isn't dx, but also suspected.

Chronic pain is incredible and overwhelming. And yes, the pain makes me angry and short with everyone. Including the kids. The hit to my mobility is huge, but less of a factor than the pain and the horrible feeling I have when I know I've spoken too sharply for the kids for just being kids.

I've been so busy saying goodbye to who I was ... it never occurred to me to separate this mess from who I am. Thank you for this post.

motherofconfusion.com ( http://www.motherofconfusion.com )

Erin Kotecki Vest 5 pts

I have lupus and fibro and I too am never NOT in pain.

In fact, it's raining today and the pain is through the roof.

I understand. So very much.

Politics & News Contributing Editor Erin Kotecki Vest ( http://queenofspainblog.com/ )

AnamCara1965 5 pts

And I dread the times that come that seem to last FOREVER! I have been in such as of late. Makes me moody, grumpy and just plain ole depressed. My usually snarky responses and funny interchanges have been slim to none. The pain and the anxiety attacks and the fibro fog have been none to fun this year. I'm only just dragging myself back to my usual just plain pain days.
Thank you for sharing this with "us". May have to go print it out so as to remind me that I am not alone.
Sending you supportive gentle hugs!
Michelle