Go for drinks? Grab coffee? How does a Mormon casually date?
By adrienneliege on July 11, 2014
So, one major reason I started this blog is because I figured it would give me some structure as I try to be a normal, real-life person post-graduation. For some reason, writing helps me think through things. Yes, I could attempt journaling or talking to a shrink, but instead posting these thoughts for the entire world to see seems more cathartic and possibly productive.
Okay. So my twenty-somethings/Mormons out there, have you ever been in the situation where you are talking casually to a guy or maybe click with someone at a party and want to get to know him more? Well, in the real world a common turn-of-phrase, or next step in this situation would be to either a) ask someone to get coffee sometime or b) go for drinks. This presents a slight problem for us, considering we do none of the above.
I presented this dilemma to one of my friends and he suggested I still use either of these common approaches, but when it comes time to actually order, order something that is WOW approved. I think this could probably work in the coffee situation given the herbal tea/weird soda options at coffee places. However, the drinks thing just seems awkward to me. Like what would I do? "Yes, I'll have a cranberry vodka, hold the vodka." Which would inevitably lead to a conversation about how I don't drink, which would then make boy wonder "Wait, if you don't drink, why did you ask me to get drinks in the first place?" I don't know!! What else was I supposed to ask? Getting dinner or lunch seems way too formal or forward.
If said boy knows you're Mormon before you decide to make the next move- that makes for an even stranger conversation. "Hey wanna get coffee sometime?" Boy: "Wait, I thought you were Mormon? Don't you not drink coffee?" Well, no I don't I'll probably just show up and eat my hair in a corner as you sip your coffee and I wonder why I even leave my bed/the library ever. Because really, I just want an excuse to talk to you more, show off my wits and charms and for you see me when I get a chance to brush my hair.
An even STRANGER situation is if the boy is Mormon. Like seriously what do you ask to do? Can you even play Apples to Apples with just two people? Also I don't want to have to be doing some stupid activity. I just want to talk! It's what I do best, I promise. I don't wanna go all MoFem right now (that's for 98% of my other blog posts), but traditionally men ask women on dates in weird Mormon culture, this doesn't dictate my actions or anything, but because this culture is so pervasive, does that therefore mean if this dude hasn't asked me on a scavenger hunt or to watch a superhero movie that he isn't interested, so why bother? In my ideal world I say "Hey, we should get drinks sometime" *flips hair, flashes smile* and Mormon boy replies with "Yeah, that sounds great" and we go to a biergarten or trendy rooftop bar or something and both order grapefruit juice or diet coke. Is that too much to ask for?
Also, on the other side of the coin: how am I supposed to respond when a guy asks me for drinks? "Umm sorry, I don't drink, but why don't I have you over for dinner and two representatives from my church can talk to you about something called the Word of Wisdom." Or do I show up and say "oh not feeling it tonight," order a tonic water and let the night progress? Just procrastinating that inevitable awkward conversation of "oh... sorry don't drink... or smoke."
So. Something I need to figure out and brainstorm solutions for: what are other casual activities that are unsurprising and involve nice conversation. Please advise. Because obviously there is a long line of men at my door waiting for a lovely, intimate conversation with me. And an even longer line of eligible, attractive, intelligent men I'm hoping to bring to a biergarten.
I really hope no one I know reads this (especially boys I would take for metaphorical coffee/drinks).
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