On a literal level, one might say, that this is a book is about humor, monarchy and horses........ with apologies to the horses!

But on a soul searching level, this book, is my exceedingly small and often seemingly pathetic quest for "the truth", when it comes to the Royal family, The fact that I, a common all-garden English housewife and mother is even attempting this is a huge task in itself; but like a great deal of people, the subject of Royalty, past and present has always been something of great fascination..

"Common sense" is the most uncommon attribute of the human condition, "Freedom" is not free and costs millions in money and lives. And the "simple truth "is a myriad labyrinth of truths, half-truths, deceptions and lies; almost impossible to grasp. How does anyone ferret out truth when it comes to the Royals who have the power and money to manipulate and cloak themselves in a blanket of illusion.

Where does the truth begin and the spin end? Have we been watching and reading Royal fairy tales for so long, that we can no longer distinguish between one false tale and another horse tail?….

In 1981, we witnessed, THE Uber fairytale in motion: The stupendous and over the top, opulence of the marriage of Lady Diana Spencer to HRH, The Prince Of Wales, it was the complete million pound package. It was fabulous! From the golden coach, to the "fabric for days" wedding gown, the beautiful bridesmaids, the flowers, the thousands of people lining the streets. Some camped out for days just to secure a glimpse of the magnificence, the coaches and the horses, don‘t forget them!. The pomp, the majesty and the finery, made you feel connected to something "greater" than you were. The British public were carried along in a tsunami of pride, they were our Royals They belonged to us! We threw street parties, danced the night away and delighted in our heritage! The rest of the world could only look on and admire………………………………..... And it was all a complete LIE!! The Royals were a bunch of second hand salesmen and we bought the car! Impressionable and naive, Diana had only seen Prince Charles a total of eight times before she was rushed into the marriage having a feeling that something was not quite right with this arrangement.

The groom slept with his mistress the night before the wedding, the bride wanted to run away but couldn’t because "her face was all over the tea towels!" The mistress was the first face the Bride saw when she entered the church: the golden coach was uncomfortable and claustraphobic; the priceless wedding gown was a crumpled mess when she stepped out onto the pavement. It was a Royal nightmare! And we were all wide awake believing we were witness to a fairytale, happily ever after dream come true marriage of our Prince of Wales to the beautiful and virtuous Lady Diana Spencer .

In previous centuries, the Royal family was considered the closest thing to God and this wedding seemed to be a glimpse into a heavenly experience. The King was God’s representative on earth! Higher than the Pope! How does one maintain such an image without the use of smoke, mirrors and the utmost secrecy regarding one's personal lifestyle - particularly when one is definitely not divine or remotely holy! Often sporting a lifestyle and excesses which might have felt more at home in a bordello than a church!

.Ultimately, it was Princess Diana, the part time wife and visiting, fairytale Princess who lifted the curtain on the magic show of illusions and allowed us to see the pupeteer's wires. Having exposed the world to the tricks, the trap doors and the dry ice. Diana seemed determined to examine them under a very bright light and with a microscope and expose the very human and often inhumane elements of this Royal family. Once examined, nobody looked "above" human, everyone seemed horribly "normal", and oft times, ridiculous!

Royals being "just like us!" in their private lives is fine for it endorses us and makes us feel good about ourselves. But when Royals sneer at our 'middle class morality' because its one rule for us and another for them, then I fear they loose our reverence and respect and so they should. 'Horrible, middle class morality, to most of us, is the glue that keeps us from anarchy, and if personally YOU don't wish to embrace it - Fine for you, you have a freedom of choice, just don't place yourself on a pedestal and , , expect the moral majority to embrace you! Shouldn't integrity stand alongside Monarchy, silly thought, maybe its just me.

I have no special relationship to the Palace, no "in"with the Crown. No-one is paying me oodles of cash to put my thoughts on paper. I am merely an observer who reads books , articles and daily news and cobbles together information. from which I draw my own conclusions; These conclusions range from 'Pile of ol’ poop!" to "Pull the other one!" and "That's understandable, I believe that!".

More gut instinct then intellectually uplifting thought. But what else are we to believe and trust, we have been lied to soo many times.

So now that the veil has been lifted we can’t just turn away and pretend we never saw the new Royal "reality"show sponsored by Prince Charles and his second wife.. Having been dragged kicking and screaming into the new Millenium, the Royal Family should lead by example. Not a 'do as I say' not as 'I do' type leader.

i e Prince Charles, A great green Royal hypocrite! Don't lecture people on how to live and farm in an environmentally friendly way, when everyone knows you own 5 large homes and fly everywhere by private jet, who do you think you are,

Al Gore?

A certain amount. of deception is obviously necessary and part of the charm. Even in the multi-cultural England of 2007, the Royal's illusions and "magic" shows still have the ability to fascinate and charm but we have become a society hooked on the entertainment of the Royal's private lives.

English Royalty is the grandest historical Monarchy in the world with over 1000 years of history, it separates and distinguishes England from every other country in the world. What would the Government do with Buckingham Palace? Turn it into an old age people’s home run by the council? We can be, and I believe we are , proud of the current Queen, her Integrity and her lifelong devotion to her duty is beyond question.But what of the line of inheritance? Is it wrong for us to examine their personal shortcomings? We don’t live in the 15th century any longer, we should be able to have a say in the future of an Institution that belongs to the country and if we decide it should survive, and continue into the next millenium and beyond, it needs to embrace the 21st Century. The18th and 19th Century values may have worked well for the Victorians, but that era died along with the old Queen (No, not Liberace!). We have had 2 World Wars since then and it appears we are embarking on a 3rd. If Prince Harry wants to go to Iraq or Afganistan, I say "marvelous"; "Cry God for Harry! England! And St. George!". As a country we would be fiercely proud and anxious all at the same time. Be a Royal with relevance!

So in conclusion, dear reader, should the Royals make you feel "proud and anxious" or "embarrassed and nauseous?" Should they be part of the Celebrity Freak Parade that inhabits our daily news, or do we expect a little more granduer, elevation and respectability from them that that? The country of America doesn’t pay taxes to fund their celebrity freaks (Paris, Britney and co fund themselves) but remember the British taxpayer funds the Royals!!

The title of this book has probably given you a small clue as to where my truth seeking has led me and the fact that you are giving me the benefit of your time, may mean you feel the same way.

Draw what conclusions you wish dear reader, just stick your tongue firmly in your cheek and read! You might even notice yourself saying, "What a pile ‘ol doggie …..", "Well, I never did" and "Would you believe it?" If you can say all this with your tongue firmly planted in your cheek - well, it’s a talent!