Going Down Memory Lane (via Facebook)

I have baby books for my son and my daughter, but they’re mostly blank. Since my son was our first child, I made more of an effort to fill out items and print photos. I filled out a few things for my daughter’s book, but by then, I had been on Facebook for a few years, and it seemed silly to print out photos just to paste them in a book.

So, since March 2008, I have been copying my Facebook updates and photos into text files as a way to record funny things they’ve said and done.

Here are some of the anecdotes I’ve recorded over the years:

The first time my son peed while standing up, he yelled, “I’m man-peeing!”

I pointed out two dogs greeting each other at the park, wagging their tails. My son started wiggling back and forth. I asked him, “Are you wagging your tail?” and he said, “Wag penis”.

After his sister was born, my son said, “My choice is to not keep Kaylee. Keep her at somebody else’s house.”

I just watched Modern Family with my hubby, then started teasing and ribbing him, and he got so flustered he couldn’t figure out whether to say, “Thank you” or “I’m sorry.” Made me laugh so hard I cried. I may be the only person to appreciate how funny this was.

Since my son was a baby, I’d say (with an Italian accent), “I kiss-ah you because I love-ah you.” Now I ask, “Why are you throwing things/making a mess/disobeying?” and he replies, “Because I love you.”

Written at 8:20 am: Feeding the girl for the 3rd time this morning. Bathed her. Have not bathed or fed myself yet. Starting to hallucinate. Starting to daydream about bacon and Kaylee’s starting to look like a piglet.

It’s a wonder that 3.5 year-olds haven’t gone extinct.

My hubby was asking our son what he wanted to eat for dinner. First, he said he didn’t want to eat dinner. Then he said, “I only want to eat something we don’t have.”

I guess I should complain about the kids’ bad behavior on FB more often. This evening Zach kept hugging me, and at bedtime Kaylee gave me three kisses, on the last one lingering with her lips on mine just staring into each other’s eyes for a few seconds. In those moments I am so grateful to be their mom.

Whenever my son asks me, “Do you know what?” I find it a real challenge not to say, “Chicken butt.”

I realized today that part of the reason I act immature and bratty sometimes with my kids is because as a mom, I’m only 4.5 years old too. The decades before this didn’t really mature me enough to react with compassion and forgiveness to continuous whining, screeching cries, and the fact that I really still don’t have any idea what I’m doing.

I keep finding myself turning down the volume on the car radio and remembering again, “Oh, yeah, that doesn’t work on the kids.”

Kaylee is like a very old-fashioned husband. She sits at the dining table waiting for food to be brought to her, and by waiting I mean she screams her head off.

My son’s preschool was having a Hoedown. He said he “dominates” his partner. Took me awhile, then, “Oh, you promenade your partner!”

Zach: I think Kaylee’s old enough to be “selled”.
Me: Sold? That’s against the law.
Z: I think she’s old enough to be adopted. I want someone to adopt her.
Me: Why?
Z: Because she’s ruining my life.

Me: Can Daddy feed you milk? (before bedtime)
Kaylee: No. Daddy feed milk, Kaylee cry.
Me (smiling): I don’t hear any crying.
K: (fake, plaintive crying)

Zach: “Knock, knock.”
Me: “Who’s there?”
Z: “Momma.”
Me: “Momma who?”
Z: “Momma, I love you!”
Best knock knock joke ever.

What great things have your kids or your friends’ kids said?

Zach & Kaylee

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