Good Behavior for 100 please
By NiedriaKenny on July 11, 2014
While it's easy to point the finger to Harris County court and their premature, negligence in ruling; that caused this abrupt change to occur in my toddler's life, I have to also consider other factors that play into that change. Such as his new environment. I could cry over the spilled milk of how asinine, yet political of a judge's decision it was to, WITHOUT ANY REASON put a three year old with a parent who's been absent for the most part of his life...but the bigger issue is- my son needs me to give him the attention right now.
I have to consider the structure change, the sudden change, the confusion about what's going on. What's being fed to my child and how he's being treated? Who's telling him what? I have to consider his new teachers, his new friends. The exposure to other children who act like this...All those things and several other... Factor into the method to the madness. It also made me realize this could totally be the reason his father does not want me to visit the daycare he attends and to have the reports from his teachers.
His father called one day and mentioned he was biting, scratching and hitting at school and that the teacher has called him stating they don't know what to do. My first thought was, well it's a new school and the third one he's been in since you’ve had him (in 10 months (default temporary order) don't you see something going on here? All these changes and introductions into new settings is overwhelming to a three year old. Which is why his dad may feel like he should barter toys with his child. Does he realize he's single-handily causing this? And to remedy it, he's trying to buy him? All I'm saying is, I've NEVER been on the end of such a phone call from a school regarding my child's behavior. He's always been "the teacher's favorite" because of good behavior. This is something dad wouldn't know or notice because he didn't take advantage of the opportunity to interact with my child as I have. He wasn't an active or present parent. Now that he is, it's a great thing but it's also important that he's honest in the communicating of my child's well-being. I believe he's been afraid to do this, because he knows the changes were at his hand and were not good. What he doesn't know is I understand that. I understand that he realizes he messed up but all this covering up is what's messing it up even more. Children in these tender years need some kind of blueprint. When your blue print is all over the place, so is the foundation. And the cycle perpetuates itself.... Parenting on a faulty foundation will hinder structure.
My wish is that parents wise up. Communicate and be honest about the environment and atmosphere that the children are in when in the absence of the other parent. Don't influence your children to dislike the other parent just to gain their favor. Don't introduce new people in your child's life with the intent to take them away from the natural parents and family. More importantly on that note alone: don't keep the company of a man or woman who would condone what you know as your bitterness toward the other parent!!!! Don't take it out on the child!! Don't influence children to pick between parents- always consider what's best. This can actually be accomplished if parents let go of the bitter breakup that happened years ago....Work together toward solutions instead of competing for love of the child. Work together on discipline and back each other up. When I was growing up my mom never said yes, if my dad said no- and vv. Dad's answer was always, "what did your mom say?" They always backed each other and if they didn't agree it was not a public display. If parents work together, co-parenting can be just as effective as raising children under the same roof. But it would take honesty about the child's well-being. You have to operate as if you are under the same roof. That's what makes it a cohesive transition back and forth.
Niedria D. Kenny
The D, is for Deon - same name as my son. The only child AKA Prince Cornelius; he's the Prince in "Prince Cornelius and his Magical Friends" a book dedicated to the life and growth of my child.
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