Grandmother Meet Nikki. Nikki Meet Grandmother.

All of them.

Every. Single. Fragrance.

Oy vey.

On this particular visit, my normally slow walking, cane using Grandmother caught sight of something irresistible between the first and second stores of our trip and positively barreled down the mall. Smoke came off of her sensible shoes as she raced ahead of me into the large department store and succumbed to the siren song that is its perfume counter.

In the immortal words of Scooby Doo, ruh-roh.

Before I could reach her and stop the inevitable full frontal assault with different fragrances, my Grandmother had given each one of her wrists a healthy squirt of Pink Friday, Nikki Minaj's first foray into the perfume world.

Grandmother meet Nikki. Nikki meet Grandmother.

Ruh roh indeed.

I kicked it into high gear and sped over to the perfume counter, where I immediately grabbed my Grandmother's elbow. Still clutching her elbow, I hustled her into the less odorous section of the store: the Women's Wear department, where the embroidered sweatshirts live.

She squealed with delight over the four shelves (seriously people, four shelves) of clearanced sweatshirts. Satisfied that Grandmother would be entertained for a few minutes digging through acres of embroidered pullovers, I put my hands on my knees and sucked in huge gulps of fresh air. I was quite winded from my impromptu dash through the mall which ended with inhaling several fluid ounces of Pink Friday.

That was all it took for my Grandmother to wander off.

I didn't notice that she'd left me right away. It was only after I had I righted myself and leaned against a mannequin (wearing a fetching gold sequined tank top and coordinating skirt) that I scanned the area in front of the embroidered sweatshirt shelves. I realized my Grandmother was no longer with me.

Giving myself a mental head smack for not keeping a closer eye on Captain Wayfarer, I set off in search of her. First stop: embroidered sweatshirts. Nope, not here. Second stop: other Women's Wear clearance racks. Negative. Third stop: the deeply discounted winter coats aisle. No Grandmother. She wasn't in her usual haunts.

And then it hit me. The perfume counter.

There she was, happily reapplying Nikki Minaj's Pink Friday perfume and chatting with the saleslady about other newly released celebrity fragrances.

Having learned my lesson, I didn't take my eyes (or nose) off of Princess Reeks-A-Lot for the remainder of our time in the mall. The upside to her having doused herself with Pink Friday is that no matter where she wandered in the mall, I could always use my nose to find her.

However, my Honda's upholstery will never be the same.

Jen keeps a quirky and (sometimes) humorous blog,, where she writes of her life (with occasional flashbacks to the 80s) and shares her non-award winning photos.


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