The Great Spanking Debate: "Many" kids "require a measured smack on the behind"

While I can agree with this in principle, it's hard not to see this as yet another group of busybodies who are passing judgement on the parenting of others. I'm waiting for the law that seeks to prosecute parents for letting their kids run around outside without a jacket or allowing them to skateboard without a helmet, or having children with a greater than normal BMI.

Never mind that there is a wide gulf between spanking and abuse, what this says is Parents- We don't TRUST you!

P.S. Grace, I loved the orange analogy, but theat would make my kids want to roll things into the street just to watch them get squashed. That's the kind of thing they would find hilarious.

I grew up with spanking, however, it was reserved for a egregious behavior and only happened a few times. We were always warned and it was always carefully placed right on the butt. The fear of being spanked was enough motivation to avoid the risks or, in other words, behave! That said, I have dogs (don't berate me for comparing dogs to children) and stepsons, and we never hit either. I must admit though, sometimes I wonder if a spanking (not whipping and without spoons or belts or bare skin) wouldn't be more effective than a time-out.

I'm not sure passing a law against spanking is our best use of time right now when there are so many other more pressing issues that should be addressed - like the increased and horrific gun violence by children in school. A law that imprisoned parents for purchasing guns for minors seems much more important to me than a spanking law, especially when child abuse laws already enacted, should accomplish the goal of the bill to prevent spanking.

Lets focus on the bigger issues like teen pregnancy, poverty and gun violence amongst children.

My mother never spanked me. I was hit four times as a child, always by my father, who is a very calm and rational individual. What my mother would do was to sit us down and explain to us in infinite detail why what we did was wrong and why we shouldn't do it. I remember often thinking "please hit me and get it over with".

Years later my niece is sent to live with me for awhile when she starts having serious problems in school (her mother died of a brain tumor years before so she was living with my brother, his wife and my father). For discipline I used, to great effect, the very same technique as my mother did. After a year with me she turned herself around and is now a wonderful young woman, happily married and studying at university in England with her husband.

Several years ago her younger brother was sent to live with me. He has significantly more serious problems including ODD and at least one mood disorder. For the most part I don't use corporal punishment and only use the occasional slamming of my hand down on the table to get his attention and convince him I'm serious in what I'm saying. For the most part the lectures have worked as well but I've found that discussions work better since it is more apparent that what I'm saying may be getting in to be processed if I have some feedback.

But I seriously worry about the government mandating what I can or cannot do as a parent. More and more cases of inadequate parenting are coming to light as we see more and more people who seem incapable of functioning in modern society. However I don't think that the government should be the ones to address the problem. And I agree that one cookie-cutter solution with do nothing which may be good. Sadly I don't have an alternative to offer, just a fear of what "they" may do which is obviously wrong.

Common sense should prevail (but seems sadly lacking in American society).

Jim Heivilin

I agree that spanking is archaeic and in almost every case not a good form of discipline. As a child, I much preferred a spanking over other punishments, because it wasn't as effective. When it was over, it was over. I didn't have to spend time in time-out, or being grounded thinking about the behavior that got me into trouble. I also know that spanking children sends mixed messages, you tell them not to hit, but then hit them when they don't listen. I am no advocate of regular corporal punishment. I also believe that the law banning spanking may prevent some cases of child abuse. (Although, child abuse is already against the law, and people still do it. Abusers are abusers, and don't take the law into consideration when they are getting ready to beat their child/wife, etc.) I think the bigger problem with spanking is that many parents spank in anger, which is abuse, rather than discipline. My mother's rule (and soon to be mine) is that the punishment should fit the crime. If I made a mess, I didn't get spanked, I had to clean it up, and had to do extra chores, etc.

On the other hand, I am worried about this whole no-spank technique. As a child who was spanked, I'm not sure I know how to effectively convey urgency to my toddler. He is too little to understand the orange/traffic logic, so that won't work. So, for now, I spend my entire life within arms reach of him, or keep him somewhere relatively safe. What happens when your child is growing up and begins to question WHY? There are times when you don't have time to safely explain why. There are times when your child needs to understand that they need to follow your directions without question and without an explanation (at least not an immediate one).

As we discuss the pros/cons of spankings and alternative methods of discipline, we have to remember that there is no cookie-cutter method of raising a child to be an honest, decent person. Some children don't respond to loss of toys, time-outs, etc. While I was spanked as a child, it was very rarely, because it was too severe for me. Most of the time, a disapproving look from my mother would be curtail my naughty behavior. What, however, do you do with a child like my sister, who didn't care about any punishment other than spanking? Time-outs, groundings, loss of priveledges, loss of toys, seemingly all spanking alternatives were lost on her. What do you do in that case?

...way back in the mid 90s, both on the AOL forums and the Usenet groups. I had to jump into the fray to duke it out with the pro-spanking faction. Oh, those forumites did not like it when I showed up. I'm pretty certain that they probably wanted to give a smack or two, (but of course, some "gentle" smacks to "get my attention".)

I believe that spanking is lazy parenting. Spanking is desperate and weak. Spanking is not at all a thoughtful or creative way to deal with your child. When you spank your child, you humiliate and degrade him or her. In other words, an overwhelming sense of shame is remembered from the spanking, not the lesson the spanker wanted the child to learn.

And, it would be great if spanking was against the law. This would be an excellent contribution towards creating a more peaceful society.

You may have gathered by now that my daughter Molly was never spanked. She never needed spanking. What she needed and got were time outs and stern talks. She had much loved items taken away and no dessert. She was ignored when she acted out and taken out of stores/restaurants/parties/amusement parks when her behavior was out of line.

When spankers hear these alternatives to hitting a child, they like to throw out what they believe is the ultimate argument for spanking:

But, what if they run across the street without looking? They need to know that's dangerous! A smack on the behind will teach them not to do that.

And, I tell them what I did to show Molly that running across the street without looking is a very bad idea:

I took Moll to a busy intersection and rolled an orange out onto the road. A car ran over it and squashed it immediately.

"Did you see that, honey? This is what happens if you run into the street."

Needless to say, my kiddo "got it".

Thanks for yet another compelling post, Nordette.

Grace Davis
Contributing Editor, Life/Elders
State of Grace ( http://gracedavis.typepad.com/ )