Grope Away!

Yesterday I mentioned I was heading to Sedona,Arizona.  It is where I spend most of the winter.  Sedona is my haven. When you add it all up I live there about 7 months out of the year BUT not all in one big chunk. Nope, we go back and forth  between Ohio and Sedona several times a year.  Which means a ton of flying. I am not sure how often you fly? But, there is something I really dread about flying. It sends shivers through my body. I wish it could be avoided.

Listen,I do my very best to make security check smooth.  Since we have a home in Sedona I don’t have to pack a bag.  I do my very,level best not to  bring much with me! See, I just have my laptop bag and I can only cram so much in it!!  I bring no liquids.  I double check my purse,making sure I don’t have a water bottle or perfume in it.  I don’t wear jewelry.  I never wear a coat.

Loading the plane. It can be a bit annoying. Why do people take so long?  I have a guess, they stuff their carry-ons then they have trouble lifting them or finding space!  I hate getting stuck in the tube thingy leading to the plane. I think I might be sorta of claustrophobic. Why do they make us stand in that thingy. We could just wait in the airport. Anyway,  I am lucky I just place my laptop under the seat! Now, unloading the plane,ugh!  Everyone, jumps up to get off the plane AND THEN they take flipping forever.  Although, in all honesty it probably feels that way because I typically NEED TO GET TO THE POTTY and FAST!!

I have no problem with flying itself,anymore.  Take off and landings don’t bother.  They use to terrify me!!  I use to squeeze the bejesus out of my husband’s hand.  Oh, and turbulence I needed a puke bag at the ready!  I use to not be able to eat before flying.  And, Only ginger ale for me while flying.  Now, I can eat and even drink a diet soda.  Unfortunately, I still can’t read I do get motion sickness.  I just sit back and listen to my iPod.  Yesterday, we had serious turbulence.  The plane tossed and jumped the whole time.  The flight attendants had to sit down many times.  They could barely serve us.  Didn’t phase me in the least.  It was over 3 hours of being tossed around like a tennis ball!

flying 001

So, what in the world sends me over the edge flying? I bet you think it is getting groped at the Security check point!  Nah, I don’t mind a good groping! Which is odd because I am not fond of being touched.  My poor kids.  We are not a touchy,feely family.  You know hugging and kissing,forget it and  I feel bad about it.  Bet,you think it is the body scan?  Nah, not it!  They can laser,beam me or whatever they use to see right through me!!

Here it is AND it is all  my mother’s fault.  I love my mother to death but her crazy, clean,germ,fetish crap tends to stick with you!  Making the weirdest things set you over the edge.  It is taking my shoes off.  I can’t stand it.  REALLY, CAN’T STAND IT!!  Making me walk on the disgusting floor sends me into a sweat.  It grossest me out to no end.  Makes my heart beat fast and I get all jumpy!  I desperately need that law changed.  See, my mother was the type to carry Lysol Spray with her. NOT LYING.  Ask my cousins.  Love her,but she is a wackadoodle and we tell her so!!  She cleaned hotel bathrooms before we could use them.  We were not allowed to sit on a hotel bed until she sprayed the bed with the Lysol! CRAZY!! AND, we were never allowed to walk on the Hotel room floor without our shoes or slippers.  Matter of fact, we wear our shoes at home and my mom hates people who make you take your shoes off when you go to their home.  It drives her insane!! If she could she would spray their floor with Lysol!!! I love my mother BUT SHE IS A TAD LOONEY and now I freak every time I have to take my shoes off.  Cringe.  It sends me over the edge.  You have no idea how hard it is for me standing there with no shoes on.  They can grope me, feel me out, go to third base with me, radiate and light me up but please for the love of GOD let me wear my shoes! Oh, and yes, I wear mostly white socks so they can be washed in HOT WATER with CLOROX to kill all those nasty germs! I tell you, this all  my mother’s fault,all my mother’s fault.

So, anything freak you out about flying!!!

More Like This

Recent Posts by Lucy's Reality

Comments

In order to comment on BlogHer.com, you'll need to be logged in. You'll be given the option to log in or create an account when you publish your comment. If you do not log in or create an account, your comment will not be displayed.