young motherhood

being a mom is very rewarding and also very challenging I am now 18 i had my beautiful savannah 1 month after my eighteenth birthday and two months after I graduated from high school I still very much remember the way my ankles felt with them high heel shoes on for atleast 4 hours, ouch!  but I was looking forward to my new journey as a mother but since I have had her I feel like I am falling into a dark hole what am I to do? she means the world to me but I need a break somehow I have talked my mother into watching her for the weekend at the end of the month and I am going straight to the beach and I am going to think of nothing but realaxing! yeah right I will probably call my mother every five minutes asking about vannah and I will worrie the entire time about what she is doing if she needs me what are all the things that could go wrong. And the list continues I am going to try to reconnect with my passion for horse riding its been over a year and a half since I even been around a saddled horse but I feel this is something i need for me a few hours to clear my head so that I can return a refreshed and atentive mother I felt at first that no one could understand me and my family would think I was a bad mother which they kind of doing seeing as how I sit depressed and just want to drive far down the road away from it all sometimes but then my daughter smiles and I just keep moving I try to make her laugh because that what matters most to me I cant worrie what other people think about me all the time then i would really be a wreck. but I am always in a bad mood no matter what my boyfriend trys but he just makes it worse which i really dont know what I expect of him anyway but I am just so lost in my own thoughts with nothing to do and nowhere to hide and no time away from bottles and diapers and wipes I think I might go insane.

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