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Can Technology Help Moms be less 'Mad at Dad'?
Moms, are you mad at your husband at this very moment? A Parenting Magazine survey says you probably are. The survey asked 1,000 mothers across the country via MomConnection.com and found that most moms are mad---actually profoundly and frequently angry-- at their husbands.
We love ‘em. Can’t do without ‘em. But no one on this planet gets under our skin and frustrates us the way our husbands can…and do. The survey said 46% of moms get “irate” with their husbands once a week or more. This number shoots up to 54% for moms with kids under 1-year old. And though 50% say their anger is “intense but passing”, 1 in 10 describes it as “deep and long-lasting”. All of this anger and resentment seems to stem from some fundamental differences in parenting priorities, uneven divisions of household labor and what I like to call “male selective competencies”, which is when my husband, who is quite successful at running companies, can’t manage to do more than one simple task at a time at home, bless him!
I am wondering if, with all of this technology at our fingertips, isn’t there some way we can use it to improve this state of affairs? My husband and I are definitely better about communication since we got our Blackberries. On the weekends, when we have more activities than two adults can handle, we are constantly texting and calling about where we are and where to meet. He is always sending me directions. Also, the great thing about having a synchronized shared calendar is that you can schedule reminders to both phones. This is one great device for nagging…without nagging!
Do you think technology has helped or hindered marital discord? How do you use technology to connect with and find peace with your spouse? Do you use technological tools to coordinate your parenting joint efforts? Do you turn to your online community to fill in gaps in your marriage relationship?
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Comments
Well...not dad
Or actually yes, the little kid's dad. We are divorced. Email (and learning to sit on my hands in replying) has helped in communicating logically about the children.
But...really in my relationship now-I sometimes miss the days when we worked in separate places-we sit across from one another-yet don't know as much about the other's day, about things we each look at and think.
Sure-there is body language and mutterings and exasperation and laughs to witness in person. Of course that can be interpreted differently in person than it was when I would use ICQ and AIM to "spend my day" with her. I knew that she was vexed at the computer, or the software or spammer or troll or under pressure with a deadline then. Not me.
I also could woo her with words in a way I can't offline. A bit of poetry. A little kid's joke. A romantic word and an x with a nibble attached.
Now...that is different. Harder. So maybe a few emails and posts and poetry are in order.
Retro-Food.com
X with a Nibble Attached?? Show me how!!
Okay, TW, show me how to do an "x with a nibble attached". I might want to use that!!
Think Act:Proactive Black Parenting
Rofl
Yo! This is me y'all are discussing, sheesh.
Gina, be careful what you ask for. Lolol
~Denise BlogHer Community Manager
Flamingo House Happenings
LOL
That is easy. In AIM. Or ICQ or your favorite messenger program...apropos of nothing send an X or a bunch of xxxxxxx's. (You know like the XOXOXO you got at the bottom of a card from your granny or sweetheart in school) and then...send...a....nibble like so:
:::::::nibble::::::::
Really quite fun. Especially if you have gone eww gross to xxx in the past.
Retro-Food.com
I'm, as we speak, mad...
and using IM right now to try and sort things out. Of course it's not really working, but it's more effective sometimes than the little time we have together each night after the kids go to bed and we don't want to sacrifice it to a fight.
Politics & News Contributing Editor Queen of Spain
Definitely
besides it kind of confines the fight to a space...not home.
Retro-Food.com
That's Sad
My husband and I met online. Technology is what we do. We occasionally talk online, sitting in the same room, just for giggles. We've also discussed *heavier* issues via IM but when it really comes down to it, nothing beats a good face to face. ALSO, I send him funny emails on his work day to brighten his day. He does the same to/for me.
That said, I'm always sad for the women who say that they're always mad at/with their husbands. I am always so thankful for what I have found in my husband. He may always be called out on holidays (to save your families from fire) and our schedules may sometimes clash but he's an amazing, wonderful husband.
@FireMom from Stop, Drop and Blog and The Chronicles of Munchkin Land
Ultimate Goal:Working it Out Before You Go To
Bed!!
OMGosh, I love the nibble thing... I'm going to send it to my husband right now.
Erin, the ability to sort things out in many mediums is so helpful when the face-to-face time is brief and precious!! Trying to fix it before you (or he) gets home is the ultimate goal. Even though the potential for misunderstanding is greater in a written form, it's worth the effort, I think! When it works out, it's awesome. I hope yours does!!
I have a freind who has on her phone saved pictures of herself with different mood faces. So she can send her husband a happy, ecstatic, sad or mad face to let him know how she is feeling or in response to what he has said or done. I think that is brilliant!
Think Act: Proactive Black Parenting
I'm not mad at him, but it helps me stay
connected.
I just returned from getting my daughter the swine flu and seasonal flu vaccines, and it was nice to have him back me up over the phone as I drove my daughter to school.
Rita Arens writes at Surrender Dorothy and BlogHer and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak.
definitely
have to say that not only does technology make it possible to communicate with two small children who constantly interrupt, it has also given me an online commity of moms that allow me to VENT when needed.