Handling the nay-sayer's when so much of you is online

I have always been one of those people who is "in front of" others a lot.  My dad was a pastor and for a long while, so was my husband.  I have spent years in the proverbial "glass house."  Yet, writing and/or blogging online opens you up to a vat of oppenness beyond what most of us experience.  Anyone ... like, ANYONE ... can just hop right into those comments, rip you a new one, and toodle off on their merry way.

I have had my fair share of negative comments.  Some are very passive aggresive ("Has anyone ever said such-and-such about you?  I mean, I DON'T THINK THAT ... was just wondering ...").  Others just come right out and tell you you're a crappy parent, a sucky wife, a total lard that spends too much time online, lukewarm praciticer of your faith and - my personal favorite - a stupid moron.

None of this is new to me, but it still gets to me.  I'm human.  I spend days replaying every word over and over again in my head, like a stuck record.  It can hurt.  Many times I find myself getting extremely defensive.  If I respond during this highly emotional period, I will almost always regret it.  So, I have created a process, of sorts, to help me handle the poo-pooer's.

First, I wait.

I typically sleep on it.  At the very least, I give myself several hours.  I have to allow myself the process of being angry and hurt.  The purge of those emotions allows me the freedom to find my brain again. 

Second, I type out my response and get feedback.

I married the opposite of me.  My husband is the best sounding board I have.  I run responses by him, and he always airs on the conservative side.  He is also very good at helping me look past the words of the person, and finding their intent.  The written word is not a great means of communication when there is any sort of disagreement.  My husband is my voice of reason when my own personal voice is still screaming, "Can you believe she $@#%$*! said that about me?"

Finally, when I have put together a level-headed and concise response, I decide whether or not it is even worth it.

Sometimes the very best thing to do is just keep my mouth shut.  Let it sit.  Sometimes OTHER people will jump in the conversation and say the very things I would have said.  Many times it just floats away into comment oblivion, never to reemerge again.  It's over.  And I can move on.

How about the rest of you?  We all have it creep in.  What works for you? 

Christine

www.welcometomybrain.net