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DISCLAIMERS:
MEN, you may not like this post, for it will provide details of a very private exam. However, by reading it, you may garner a better understanding of why women can be bitchy. For that reason, you should continue on.
WOMEN, you may not like this post because there will be SPOILERS about what we will face upon menopause and older age! But since you will eventually relate, you should continue on.
So today I went to see the gynecologist. I usually go every year, but with all of the moving and re-settling over the last few years, it had been a while. And then of course, I had to wait over four months for an appointment. GYNs in this area are few compared to the female population who needs them, so it was a trial to find one who could see me within 6 months.
I will say that living in the small town area makes it weird for me. When I lived in the Long Island metro area, I never thought about this before. But now, it could very well be possible that I may run into the doctor at the supermarket or library or local restaurant. And I will be thinking "that doctor has seen everything, and had actually TOUCHED the most intimate parts of my body. Should I acknowledge her with a head bob, a handshake, or simply brush past her with my head down?" Yes, these thoughts enter my mind. I still have not come to terms with the answer to my questions yet.
Every time I go for the exam (which has usually been once a year, for many years now) I think about my very first visit to the gynecologist. It was almost a catastrophic event, when upon finishing the exam, the doctor told me to sit up. I simply straightened up, completely forgetting that my butt was at the end, and I mean END of the table. I almost fell right off of the examination table, and was only able to catch myself at the very last second because I used my arms to pull myself back up. This was just in the nick of time, because somehow the gown got all tangled and wrapped around my ankles and my hands slipped on God-knows-what jell-like substance was left on the paper mat from the pap smear. It was a disaster, but I recovered.
So today, as always since that first time, I was very mindful of the fact that I was once again at the VERY END of that table. I had to keep scooting down to that end, much to my embarrassment, as the doctor kept coaching me. I didn't have the nerve to tell her that I had "end of the table anxiety," so I merely just moved further to the edge, inch by inch, until I was where I needed to be and she stopped coaxing me.
My feet went into the stirrups and there I was, laying back with my legs spread open, and my thoughts turned to the age old question "Should I leave my socks on or off for this?" Since I am a direct follower of all instructions, I face a dilemma when the medical assistant tells me to "take everything off and put the gown on with the opening in the back." Does "everything" mean your socks as well? 'Cause I have to be honest with you and state that being COMPLETELY naked in the doctor's office kind of freaks me out. I have to walk on the floor to get onto the dreaded table, so why can't I leave my socks on? Medical offices are supposed to be clean, but what if the woman before me had taken her socks off and strode barefoot across the floor? I've never seen anyone mop the floor in between patients, so that means that I will be walking with bare feet, on the same unclean floor. That's a little gross.
But then, if I leave the socks on, will the doctor think I'm some kind of prude or hypochondriac or really weird person? You may be laughing, but this is truly an anxiety causing situation for me! The result is that sometimes I do leave the socks on. But today, I threw all caution to the wind, and took the two steps to the table in my bare feet. I am still trying to get over that, hours later. Ew.
So there I am, legs spread open and in position, when I realize the doctor is not standing in front of
