Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow
By thebworder on February 06, 2014
1. I'm not sure what happened but at approximatly 10:17 AM on a Sunday morning, I decided I would look amazing in dreadlocks.
2. For God's sake.
3. There are several things wrong with this situation, starting with the use of the word "amazing" in combination with dreadlocks.
4. My husband was appalled at the idea, so instead of heading caution, I headed out for toilet paper and swung by Abbies Africans Hair Braiding. (Which happened to be 30 mins from our house.)
5. When I parked the car I saw my first red flag...the Family Dollar. Rule #1: Never get your hair done anywhere hooked to a Family Dollar. Rule #2: Never get your hair done anywhere that offers a "gas money" coupon with hairstyle.
6. Now, be assured. I sought out a lot of advice prior to this decision. I talked to many girls at work about what this entailed and why I shouldn't do it. They all agreed that I shouldn't do it and being white, I should definitely not go to Aabie's hair braiding.
7. Did I listen. No.
8. Went inside. My hair is short. Remember the Miley Cyrus.
9. You could hear a pin drop. A tiny, tiny, little pin.
10. Looked a examples of dreadlocks.
11. Decided on braids. With Blue accents. WTH
12. Still not a good decision.
13. Lady tells me that they need more blue hair and sends me to hair emporium next door.
14. Return with blue hair.
15. Sit in chair while three woman work on me.
16. They open bags of peanut butter crackers and eat them while fixing my hair.
17. They tell me they need "jam".
18. THEY ASK ME TO GET UP AND GO OVER TO THE DOLLAR STORE AND GET IT.
19. They aren't talking about toast. It is a hair product. Wish I'd known that.
20. I walk to store with half of my hair braided and half of my hair partially braided...I look like
Al Sharpton, sans grey...added blue.
21. I return and cry through the remaining braiding. 3 hours.
22. Return home.
24. I look hot.
23. Husband walks past me and no shit says, "OMG...black girl hair smell." He pauses and closes his eyes like they way you do when you are dreaming of your pre-baby jean size.
24. Three AM husband and I are sitting on couch while he takes out 157 braids. I am crying...again.
25. Realization: I am not strong enough to be a black woman, reason #283. Also, when the phrase, "I should have gone for dreadlocks" exits your mouth...you are a moron.